So, wait, the argument is that "hey, I fucked you over, but not causally - I thought it over and I really, really wanted to" is somehow better than just "I wasn't thinking and I fucked you over". Not sure I can go there.
As Willow goes, so goes my nation.
Oz ,'Selfless'
Natter 63: Life after PuppyCam
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
brenda m - Jun 25, 2009 7:14:58 am PDT #25780 of 30000
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there
javachik - Jun 25, 2009 7:16:01 am PDT #25781 of 30000
Our wings are not tired.
Ayup, Brenda.
Amy - Jun 25, 2009 7:18:02 am PDT #25782 of 30000
Because books.
I think it's easier for me to feel, from the outside, a little compassion for someone who legitimately fell in love, rather than just had a little sugar on the side. It does *not* excuse him not coming clean with his wife, and certainly makes the betrayal to *her* that deeper, though.
Barb - Jun 25, 2009 7:20:27 am PDT #25783 of 30000
“Not dead yet!”
It's a certain measure of arrogance. These types of guys-- it can't just be some seedy affair that would make them break vows and go against everything they believe morally. Nope, it has to be something Grand! and Glorious! (See: Father Alberto Cutíe)
Gudanov - Jun 25, 2009 7:20:30 am PDT #25784 of 30000
Coding and Sleeping
How can a higher degree of betrayal not be worse conduct?
Bad way of putting it. Without the context of being married, causal sex would be considered worse conduct that sex with someone you have sincere feelings about. In the context of being married, it is a greater betrayal.
Eh, Amy put it better.
javachik - Jun 25, 2009 7:22:21 am PDT #25785 of 30000
Our wings are not tired.
Now that I think about it, I am all over the map when it comes to affairs and matters of the heart. I know how *I've* felt when it's been personal, but I know of a few occasions when for some reason I've not been as judgmental. Take Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn. Great soulmates, but still...he was married. That shit would never go down that way today. Same with Bogie and Bacall.
Jesse - Jun 25, 2009 7:38:40 am PDT #25786 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
I think it's easier for me to feel, from the outside, a little compassion for someone who legitimately fell in love, rather than just had a little sugar on the side. It does *not* excuse him not coming clean with his wife, and certainly makes the betrayal to *her* that deeper, though.
Yeah, this, I think.
Theodosia - Jun 25, 2009 7:39:20 am PDT #25787 of 30000
'we all walk this earth feeling we are frauds. The trick is to be grateful and hope the caper doesn't end any time soon"
Good point, javachik -- put that way, I might call it a bigger betrayal*. It seems to me that a marriage/ primary relationship is more likely to be repairable after a tawdry affair(s), but a love affair will mostly likely be a death knell.
*(Sort of like debating whether it's worse to peel a bandaid off slowly or rip it off quick.)
javachik - Jun 25, 2009 7:40:10 am PDT #25788 of 30000
Our wings are not tired.
*(Sort of like debating whether it's worse to peel a bandaid off slowly or rip it off quick.)
Ha! Perfect.
Jesse - Jun 25, 2009 7:42:35 am PDT #25789 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
I will say that I've had to dial back some of my general judginess about some of this stuff after a friend of mine married a guy she originally got together with when he was still married to someone else. He DEFINITELY should have broken up with the first wife years earlier, and it was 100% shitty that he cheated, but it's been an interesting perspective, being pretty close but not one of the affected parties. (I will say, the first time she had him meet us girlfriends, we were all geared up to hate the slimy cheater, but he actually seemed OK as a person.)