Well, they thought she would get into UCLA (which she didn't). Ironically, though I think of Berkeley as an academically more rigorous school, UCLA has a lower acceptance rate because it has a much larger applicant pool.
I know they don't want her to go, not as a money thing (because Berkeley is in state tuition and relatively inexpensive for the education you get), but because it's a cultural (Armenian in this instance) thing. Mom said she refuses to let her not live at home. And even if she had gotten into UCLA, she'd be expected to commute from here to there. She said her parents accused her of trying to escape from the family and never want to return
I told her that she might try communicating that 1. she is 18 and 2. if her family really wants her to stay close and connected that they wouldn't try to force her into being somewhere she has no desire to be. I also pointed out that she could defy them (which she won't) or capitulate (which I believe she will).
I also asked her if it would be different if she were a boy. L laughed and said of course. She also pointed out how it's fine for the 25-year-old Armenian men to date the 16-year-old girls. She just said, "Yeah, it's a cultural thing."
Sigh. The whole thing upsets me.
Liese, I'd like a DW code! msgullo at gmail is perfect!
OH! And there are two more ironies.
1. Child is deep in the sparkly-vampire-fandom. Apparently her parents let her fly to Arizona for a F2F with her best friend over a week or a weekend. Not a 100% on the details. But that's fine, yet you worry that she'll be alone in college. Is there less of an alone time as a grown up than college (and you know, being a parent to a newborn/toddler)?
2. Well, this one isn't an irony, but I also think that L herself is conflicted because I think in her head, she's been all it's either UCLA or everything else is a compromise. I'm really sad for her, but I don't think her parents really care what Non-Armenian outsiders have to say and she has to turn in her intent to enroll tomorrow. What kills me is that UCSB was going to be an option because her best friend is going there. They even went to look at the school and Dad was onboard. Then Mom said, "There is nothing you can say that will change my mind." And now Dad doesn't think it's a good idea because he doesn't want to upset Mom. GR. Howabout what's best for L?
Well, HEY if its a cultural thing... keeping her a virgin is clearly the most important possible consideration a parent could have!
Any chance at an Armenian group on campus or in Berkley its self? Maybe they could hook her up with some acceptable cousin of a cousin to room with?
Poor munchkin.
I had a friend in HS who's older brothers proudly helped her sneak around in order to subvert their parents "cultural things". To this day I love those boys for that.
MWAH. Thanks, Liese.
okay, entering appointments into the calendar then bed.
No probs. And yeah, I need to head to bed, too. I slept half today away and that can't happen tomorrow. I have so much work to do. Board meeting Saturday! Then concert Saturday night, presenting Saturday night & Sunday morning (3 services!) and full length concert Sunday night.
How's life, bon bon? When do you hear about the bar?
Two weeks-- I've put off applying for jobs until I find out. The exam was so hard, and I was really sick, so I just can't be sure I passed. So life is poor, but not stressful! (The cutest kittens in the world help, so long as they're healthy.)
[link] Kitchen shot. There is now a fridge that faces the exit door.
...and I was raised all quaker and culturally aware and sensitive and shit, but the thing is? Fuck that shit when it comes down to girls' lives. I got lucky that my background is turn of the century irish immigrants who placed value on edu.(Gramma Tres got a math degree from Grinnel in the 20s.) It's complicated, I get that. You love your family. But I just don't get the sabotage.
Normally I'd be all, you need to go to the best school you get into. I don't think community college really counts, so how about CSU? Anyway, Bob's parents wouldn't let him go to Amherst or Williams or whatever, he went to University of Dayton, got a 4.0 and got into a top PhD program. It's possible, it's just harder.
