So bigger than Lori's kitchen.

Kitchens are the hardest to be cramped for space.

I'm dealing with trying to be zen about a work sitch -- girl got into Berkeley, but parents won't let her go because it's too far and now they are even reneging on letting her go to UCSB. It's not my kid, but for cripes sake, why did you pressure her to do well, to become one of the valedictorians and now you want her to go to the crappy community college because that's where her sis is? GRR ARGH.

That boggles. Of course, I come from a family where me moving 2K away in my generation was no big. Most of my 20+ cousins moved across the country from where ever they were raised for college etc. Hell, most of my aunts back in the 50s/60s started at UM in Minneapolis and transfered, but the first followed her beau out to Caltech at 18 and the rest followed later. Of 4 uncles and dad, only one isn't a Caltech grad. And that one? He's special, as is that aunt.

all my aunts and uncles on both sides of the family went to school in the state where they were born and raised. of the 9 cousin of my generation, 3 went to school out of state and those same three are the only ones not living in TX.

I feel bad for her, but I know from where she comes. why did they even let her apply is my issue. that's mean AND it is wasted money.

You haven't seen To Kill a Mockingbird?

Oh, yeah! I totally forgot that one. The Alec Baldwin clip was pretty good, too.

I'm dealing with trying to be zen about a work sitch -- girl got into Berkeley, but parents won't let her go because it's too far and now they are even reneging on letting her go to UCSB. It's not my kid, but for cripes sake, why did you pressure her to do well, to become one of the valedictorians and now you want her to go to the crappy community college because that's where her sis is? GRR ARGH.

Is it the money that's bothering them? Regardless, I'd have a hard time being zen, too. It's insane to restrict her education like that.

Yeah, did they think that she wouldn't make it and just let her apply thinking she'd be disappointed by the school and not them?

My parents let me go to Tennessee from Ohio for college and it was no big deal. I could have gone anywhere I wanted, and the one of the other real possibilities would have been farther, MIT. They figured they couldn't really complain about anything since they'd gone from Hawaii to Michigan for their college years and stayed in Ohio after they graduated.

In completely unrelated news, I have two dreamwidth invite codes left and may have more later if anyone wants them. Let me know at which email address you want them and I'll send them along.

Could it even BE money? Aren't state schools a pretty sweet deal for an instate valedictorian?

This is dreadful Kat, of course its rattling your zen. Hopefully she'll get to say "I'm 18. I've got a scholarship. SEE YA!"

Well, they thought she would get into UCLA (which she didn't). Ironically, though I think of Berkeley as an academically more rigorous school, UCLA has a lower acceptance rate because it has a much larger applicant pool.

I know they don't want her to go, not as a money thing (because Berkeley is in state tuition and relatively inexpensive for the education you get), but because it's a cultural (Armenian in this instance) thing. Mom said she refuses to let her not live at home. And even if she had gotten into UCLA, she'd be expected to commute from here to there. She said her parents accused her of trying to escape from the family and never want to return

I told her that she might try communicating that 1. she is 18 and 2. if her family really wants her to stay close and connected that they wouldn't try to force her into being somewhere she has no desire to be. I also pointed out that she could defy them (which she won't) or capitulate (which I believe she will).

I also asked her if it would be different if she were a boy. L laughed and said of course. She also pointed out how it's fine for the 25-year-old Armenian men to date the 16-year-old girls. She just said, "Yeah, it's a cultural thing."

Sigh. The whole thing upsets me.

Liese, I'd like a DW code! msgullo at gmail is perfect!

OH! And there are two more ironies.

1. Child is deep in the sparkly-vampire-fandom. Apparently her parents let her fly to Arizona for a F2F with her best friend over a week or a weekend. Not a 100% on the details. But that's fine, yet you worry that she'll be alone in college. Is there less of an alone time as a grown up than college (and you know, being a parent to a newborn/toddler)?

2. Well, this one isn't an irony, but I also think that L herself is conflicted because I think in her head, she's been all it's either UCLA or everything else is a compromise. I'm really sad for her, but I don't think her parents really care what Non-Armenian outsiders have to say and she has to turn in her intent to enroll tomorrow. What kills me is that UCSB was going to be an option because her best friend is going there. They even went to look at the school and Dad was onboard. Then Mom said, "There is nothing you can say that will change my mind." And now Dad doesn't think it's a good idea because he doesn't want to upset Mom. GR. Howabout what's best for L?

Well, HEY if its a cultural thing... keeping her a virgin is clearly the most important possible consideration a parent could have!

Any chance at an Armenian group on campus or in Berkley its self? Maybe they could hook her up with some acceptable cousin of a cousin to room with?

Poor munchkin.

I had a friend in HS who's older brothers proudly helped her sneak around in order to subvert their parents "cultural things". To this day I love those boys for that.