The ulcers/sores are a special treat.

Oh Kat, I had that once. Yeesh!

They're going to be injecting/killing something between my C1/C2 vertebrae. My discs are bulging all the way down to my shoulders.

I really hope this helps.

I don't know if I can conscientiously ever return to the martial arts, as if I didn't have enough reasons to want to cry today.

Ugh. That sucks ita! Would a non-contact form cause problems as well, or is it that not of interest to you?

I have another cannibal joke for you, Kat. Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns?

This also works as a hooker joke.

I once heard somebody tell the joke about the three-legged dog, and manage to spin it out to an almost ten-minute Western epic. It was truly majestic.

A friend of mine had an epic joke that was a literal shaggy dog joke. It starts with a neighborhood having a "shaggiest dog in the neighborhood" contest, escalates up to city, county, state, etc. with the same dog winning shaggiest dog. You can stretch each contest out as long as you can, and add as many variations of a larger area as you can think of, until you get to "shaggiest dog in the universe". The punchline is Oh, that dog's not that shaggy.

What's funny (not so much funny-ha ha) about that joke, and I find to be true of most "ethnic" jokes, is that it's not actually an Irish joke -- it's just a no-teeth joke. Any old lady can have a fire-and-brimstone preacher and no teeth! (Any Christian old lady, at least...)

Very true. Growing up in Maine, "Frenchman" jokes were the big ethnic joke due to the large Franco-American population of Maine. With some exceptions, they can pretty much be substituted for any Polish joke out there, and are mostly variations on "Those people are soooo stoopid!"

"Downeastah" humor was also big, but those are generally about how people "from away" or city folks are stupid, or at least clueless.

My favorite was the old downeastah who goes to the city. He gets propoistioned by a hooker who says "I will do anything you like for $100." He replies "Ok. Paint my house."

Skipping sigh-yet-again to post that, according to the Buffista Calendar, today is Dylan's dad Fone Bone's birthday, and send him - and his lovely wife and most adorable son, of course - lots of wishes for a great day and a wonderful year.

A friend of mine had an epic joke that was a literal shaggy dog joke. It starts with a neighborhood having a "shaggiest dog in the neighborhood" contest, escalates up to city, county, state, etc. with the same dog winning shaggiest dog. You can stretch each contest out as long as you can, and add as many variations of a larger area as you can think of, until you get to "shaggiest dog in the universe". The punchline is

In college DH used to tell "the squirrel joke" which could go on for ages. A man sees a squirrel running past carrying an acorn. So he chases it to find out where he's going. And they come to several obstacles (river, pit of snakes, disco) and at each one the squirrel runs back and gets his boat/snake charming kit/white polyester jumpsuit so the man has to do the same. This goes on until the joke-teller can't think of any more situations, the man finally catches up with the squirrel in a cave full of acorns, and asks "What have you been doing all this time???" And the squirrel says "Nuttin'"

I don't know if I can conscientiously ever return to the martial arts, as if I didn't have enough reasons to want to cry today.

ita, I'm so sorry.

And the squirrel says

Ahahahahahaha!!!

Clearly these are clean, punny versions of the Aristocrats.

...the project here a while back to collect some posts and analyze them? How did that turn out?

Er... it kind of didn't. That is to say, I could not get significant success at identification using ANY of the algorithms. Which may mean I was doing it wrong, but I did the best I could without any professional assistance.

Buffistas: We defy statistics.

I can't decide what's more awesome: Erin's new dictionary project, or the LED sheep.

Undersea volcano erupts near Tonga (with awesome pictures): [link]

Even though I totally slept in this morning, I was still in a relatively good mood. But everyone else at work seems really cranky. It's bringing me down.