No sex please: An asexual life
Barratt calls herself “asexual”, and says she’s very different to the many people who decide to abstain from sex for religious or moral reasons. “Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is an orientation. It’s not something you choose to be, it’s something you’re born as.”
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And the trouble is, as Barratt acknowledges, the banner of asexuality is an attractive hiding place for those who are repressing their sexuality – perhaps because of latent homosexuality, or a phobia of sex, or a childhood trauma. “I think there are some people who identify themselves as asexual who have a fear of sex, who may have had something traumatic in their past that’s put them off. I’m not denying that they may make up a proportion of the asexual population, but I do think there’s many who are also physiologically different, wired not to be attracted to other people.”
One asexual who certainly can’t be accused of being afraid of sex is Holland. And that’s because he’s tried it. Now a student at Warwick University, having got through his teens with no interest in sex, he then found himself in a comfortable relationship, aged 20. He was curious to see what sex would be like, so he decided to give it a go. He thought that trying it might kick his hormones into gear. “I thought some hidden sexuality might blossom, but it just wasn’t something that I was driven to do like she was.” After several months together, Holland split up with his girlfriend, partly because of the difference in sexual appetites.
Holland says that sex was “quite fun, quite enjoyable”, but crucially, he has no drive to go out and do it again. “If it happens it happens. I enjoy golf but if I never play it again, I don’t care.”