Pants on fire

Before I get into me, though, I want to comment to bonny:

Aw, thanks Lib. What a lovely hug. Nice to see you around here and great blessings to you in the new year.

I tried to come up with a list for 2008 with a good side, but I have concluded that it is best to kick it to the curb and call it history.

2009, I got a lot of hope for ya. We get to have a president who doesn't cause me shame and horror. I know that President Obama will have some serious challenges, but he has convinced me that he is up to the task. The political world has always been important to me, but the last eight years took more of a toll on me than I should have allowed. Thank you to all those that contributed to the change in leadership by voting and encouraging others to vote. Having hope and confidence in the leadership of my country makes my life much more pleasant. I don't generally believe I should let external things that I don't have control over affect my emotional well being so much, but the last 8 years caused much damage both on a world level, and to my delicate sensibilities.

I floated through 2008 without accomplishing any of my goals or desires. Enough of that. 2009 will not be a blur of just existing one day at a time. All that stuff that I haven't done that I wanted to do the last decade or so. Gonna make it happen.

I'm so very grateful for this community. May all of your wishes and desires for 2009 come true faster and easier than anticipated.

I haven't the energy at the moment to do a proper wrap up post...needless to say, I did take down 2008 in an AWESOME way. I was a bit worried at about 10:30PM when the party did not seem to have great attendance, but apparently everyone was conspiring to show up all at once around 11pm, and at that point on it was a RAUCOUS and CRAZY INSANE time. Ahem. CRAZY. INSANE. Seriously. I was propositioned what I was told would be a "particularly hot threesome" (...and it *would*. We did make out a lot...but I turned it down)

BUT. In the getting ready for the crazy insane party, I did not have time to post about what happened BEFORE the party: We got back from grocery and liquor shopping, and there was a package at my door! And I said "ooh!! it must be my secret santa present!" and it WAS. And it was from Brooklyn, and I started speculating who of the NYistas lives in Brooklyn, and N was looking at me like I was insane, and I ripped open the package, and there was a card that was even a specific SECRET SANTA CARD (how cool is that?) and it was from TOM SCOLA! And then I had to jump up and down (no, literally!) and N was like "OMG, did you just jump up and down?" and I was like "YES! Cause it's from Tom Scola!" and then I had to try to explain how he's awesome, except she clearly couldn't understand.

And then the present was awesome TOO! There was yummy yummy looking chocolates (including one with PUNCHES of ginger in dark chocolate, which I am SO looking forward to trying) and a book by Ellen Forney (who is this cartoonist here in Seattle who made porny cartoons for the personal ads in our alt weekly the Stranger) and a cute little flask that will just fit in my back pocket. Excellent! I am very excited to use all of these things...YAY!

Um, and now I feel even more guilty that my secret santa package hasn't gone out yet...I know what I'm getting! I just...need to get the things. There are plans for shopping with my sister this weekend.

Yay!!

I too have been on the receiving end of a Scola Secret Santa gift, and still proudly display my WFMU lunchbox.

2008 was kind of a regrouping year for me. I got settled into the new place (which I quite like, but don't love like the previous one), adjusted to the much shorter commute and being closer to my parents, and generally got my life back on track in several areas.

The bad: in the latter half of the year I lost most of the ground I'd previously gained in the battle of the bulge (though at least I'm wearing it better this time around, having only the one chin), had my love life dry up for almost all year, and lost a cousin a couple months ago.

The good: The move is allowing me to chip away at credit card debt instead of adding to it, I finally got some capable help at work, I've been doing a lot more creative artwork in my free time the last couple of months, I reconnected with some old friends, and my family had its biggest holiday gathering since my grandmother was alive. Oh, and 8 years of seething anger and disgust at how the country is being run finally got replaced by some hope and being able to take a tiny bit of pride in being an American again.

The year 2009 is going to be a year of significant changes in my life. It is not a hope, a goal, or an aspiration, but a fact. Generally just as nature abhors a vacuum, I abhor change of any kind. It is not my experience that change makes me happy. Unsettled maybe, slightly anxious definitely, but happy? Rarely.

So I go into 2009 knowing these probabilities. I hesitate calling those certainties because they are neither death nor taxes. I am faced with the choice of dreading these changes or embracing the inevitable and seeing 2009 as an adventure. At the same time, I am reminded that fate can step in and in the words of John Lennon, “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”. I am choosing to embrace change and welcome it in 2009 in order to maintain some sense of control.

• My father will turn 65 years old in February and I am reminded of his and my own mortality more than I wish to be
• My son will turn 18 years old in March
• My contract where I work ends in March
• My son will graduate from high school in May
• My son will start his freshman year of college (and one of the best chapters of his life) in August.
• In August I will face a redefinition of who I have been for almost twenty years. One of the seldom talked about advantages (okay, watch Mama Mia) of being a single parent for most of a child's life, is a bond that develops of mutual respect and knowing you have made the most influence in the development of a human being while trying to give them the freedom to become their own individual personality.
• Although I am educated to the level of PhD, I will have to gird courage to pursue interviews without the shame of being incapacitated by panic attacks and periodic agoraphobia which has limited my working options for the past six years. How do you apply for a position and explain despite your education that you have been limited with that mental illness without feeling shame and embarrassment?

The following are more goals than changes on the horizon. I hope they are probabilities as well.

• With this as an example I am determined to be as brutally honest and not hide my faults and let me people judge me for who I am.
• I will have the opportunity to decide to live to work or work to live and what balance of income and happiness is right for me.
• I want to eat healthier and exercise regularly. This is a means to end of feeling more fit, and the bonus of lessening anxiety.
• I will be faced with a choice to take a leap of faith and follow my dream of relocating, or safely looking for work in the Midwest. My wallpaper on the PC is Vancouver, second would be Seattle, but LA sounds very appealing. The LAistas talk of a thing called Trader Joe's which I want to see. I am simple and easy to please.

Things that I continue to be grateful for in 2009.

• Good health and the health and well being of my family and friends.
• The pixels of Buffistas who are the funniest, most intelligent, and insightful people on the planet. Thank you for letting me be a part of this world.

Seaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatle... Seaaaaaaaaaatle....

We have TJs!

And Seattle's close to Vancouver.

And with luck, by 2010, DH and I will be in the area, too.