I just rewatched this week's ep, and the Lisa bits were unsatisfying to me.

She had reasons for ending it with him in YCHtT. I can see her not wanting to go there about Sam, because that would be hard to talk about not under a spell. But Dean shoved Ben, and they never talked about that. The real reason for that is that supernatural danger follows Dean around--yet he says that's not it to Ben, that it's because he's a shitty person.

I get that he has low self esteem, but it just seemed weird to hinge it all on that. At least she accepted that he was a hunter and was going to keep being a hunter, even if she couldn't handle being in relationship with him while he was doing it. I hate when they have the partner throw out ultimatums because of dangerous jobs.

I also really like that Sam thanked Dean for his soul. I saw too many people saying there would be angst about that, than souled Sam wouldn't have wanted it back.

I get the reading that the pills were about physical pain. Not sure why Sam would have been surprised by that, though. They must have used purloined painkillers before. And he looked like this was new to him.

Aww mini!Dean totally likes Sara from the body language. I'd keep an eye on that boy.

Dean also told Ben that if he stayed Ben wouldn't have a choice at another life. But that's wrong because he raised Sam and Sam chose Stanford.

I need to watch again, too.

I feel like I know they've used painkillers, but I'm not sure that's not fanon from fic. When I think about episodes, I mostly remember ice packs and whiskey when one of them is really injured.

I don't see how they could get through all those many years without painkillers. Just judging by the martial artists I know, it seems pretty impossible. And they (eta: hunters) get mashed up way worse. Again, the implication I get from Sam's reaction would be that Dean used these pills when Sam wasn't around--surely not painkillers during the year with Lisa, and would he really have used them during Stanford and not afterwards?

But that's wrong because he raised Sam and Sam chose Stanford.

Sam chose Stanford. But he didn't make it to graduation. Dean raised Sam, if we choose to get that hardcore with his position, and Sam turned into what Dean was. Even went to hell like Dean did. Not promising for Ben.

surely not painkillers during the year with Lisa

Why do you say surely not? Painkillers work for pain, obviously, but without pain you're looking at a nice high and a good night's sleep. And they are easy to get hold of, if not legally, in the suburbs.

I could also see Dean choosing an opiate over something he might consider wimpy or *shrink meds*, like Ativan or Xanax.

I'm all about the self-medicating Dean, obviously, but it seems really weird that a hunter that gets shot and banged up doesn't use pain meds until it becomes a psychological relief. Especially since he's canonically been medicating his brain for a long time.

Or maybe that's why he started drinking less?

It just seems weird, to introduce something that big offscreen.

Oh, I meant that he's probably taken them for injuries in the past, but it makes more sense to me that he started using them habitually during the year with Lisa.

That's why I see Sam's surprise as a reaction to the way Dean's suggesting he use them, I think. I don't think Sam would be surprised if Dean handed him a bottle if his leg was broken or his guts had been stitched up. Headaches seem more of a "shake it off or drink it off" thing for them, at least to me.

Sam's surprise seems odd to me, too. Maybe it was not so much the existence of Dean's effective meds as that they were offered to him for what didn't feel that bad - Sam hadn't seen himself conk out and knew what pain he was feeling, while Dean had a shit ton of worry that a crack in the wall would destroy Sam and had all his resources ready for patching up.

Because it does seem to me that they would both be okay with purely practical applications of painkillers.

Alternatively, or perhaps in parallel, perhaps any pill-popping for psychological relief is so strongly associated with memories of Hell in Dean's mind that he kept it hidden before but now that Sam's also back from Hell, naturally he might need whatever it is, too.

Headaches seem more of a "shake it off or drink it off" thing for them, at least to me.

As a chronic sufferer, I'm imagining that Sam's pain is worse than mine, and drinking helps, but not enough. Then again, he was functioning better than when he had his vision headaches.

what didn't feel that bad

He said he felt like he'd been hit by a piano, right?

My initial position was that it was mental relief, but I'm trying to argue the other side, and I don't think the text is conclusive.

Dean self-medicates his pysche, and Sam expressed he was in a great deal of physical pain. It could go either way. Sam's surprise and my preferences for Dean's behaviour lean me on the psychological side, but I can see both.