Just the pages and pages of everything was falling apart on all fronts. Dean got the girl and lost her, got the guy and did everything to push him away, Ben a complete fucking dick (read: teenager).

the whole time I was reading I saw no hope. I thought it was truly going to end with Dean losing everyone permanently all over again.

Maybe that's why I can handle bleak, because even though stuff was messed up, I assumed it would get less so. I figured the arc was Dean getting over his shit and actually noticing Cas for himself and getting past his issues with him. And I wasn't surprised to find out he was in denial because of something that had happened between them that he was avoiding talking about.

What was depressing and stayed so? Sam. I hate that.

Oh god, yes, on that last part. Just, ugly and gross.

And yet, haruslex makes it hurt so good.

I thought bauble earned that decently well. I just never like that. It makes me grumpy.

You know who you should never read, Julie? Sansday. She writes pre-Endverse fic that makes me so angry. But I keep reading it, because its dysfunction has me hooked. Castiel is a manipulative prick, and Dean just can't get unentangled. I'm pissed every time I realise I'm reading her again, but I can't stop.

And the sex is hot.

I'm pretty sure there will never be a happy ending in this 'verse--I don't know if she's even going to get to show level 2014 emotional detente,

Can't stop!

Thanks for the warning. I pretty much skip anything labeled endverse these days.

Am torturing myself with the unfinished soup kitchen fic. All the mystery!

Her stuff's not tagged Endverse, which is why I keep forgetting it. She calls it Fallout verse. She gets linked to from the newsletter fairly often, and I think she posts on deancastiel.

But if you ever get a hankering for bastard!porn, she's your woman.

I'm tempted to go back to the soup kitchen too. Then maybe I could do the Peanut Butter Pumpkin Cake story to make me feel better. I don't like all of it, but the bits I like I like a lot.

Hmm. Julie, as a fellow AU-lover, which would you say is your favourite, D/C or not? I'm gonna have to think about that for a while.

Right now my current top fave AU's are WIP's. I don't know if that's because they are still filled with so much potential and haven't screwed up yet. I need to go back and add an AU tag to my memories.

But rosaline_kell's is rocking the VM fusion with Rebel Rebel and I'm a masochist because I hope she's not even a quarter of the way done, because I want it to go on forever.

Rereading Family Business reminded me why I had fond memories of it: the humor, Cas being weird but still BAMF, the way it's almost curtain fic but not, all the tangled emotions and miscommunications.

funkyinfishnet started an interesting world (wip) in Across Canyons. It's a slave fic, but not gross like all the others. And there's an underground railroad that the Winchester family runs, and there's pain running under the surface, and a hint at mystery with Cas.

aesc's Below Skyscrapers, I really did love the world-building. Another story where I wished there was more to it (not porn, damnit! More Victor, etc.). Heck, give me a sequel. Although it does reinforce what I hate about angelic healing: there's not much C in the H/C to do after that.

Freedom Hangs Like Heaven by aesc. It's an odd pace, a bit dry at times, but it's a fic that needs its time to slowly unravel, and there's enough hints throughout to get me through the curtains.

I reread Named for the excellent skull-squishing whump.

I'll have to reread Aurora Borealis, the The Last Unicorn fusion, but I remember that as quite lyrical and subtle and funny.

There Will Come Soft Rains by janie tangerine is decent. I'm a sucker for the "we have to share a room and now I only sleep when you are in bed with me because you keep the nightmares away". But I hated the shit with Cas's family. Basically, I liked Dean in that one.

wandersfound has two longish stories that almost do it for me.

Oh, of course, rosaline's finished Our Hell is a Good Life for it's almost-AU and Cas still being BAMF. Even though the explanation/exposition at the end did seem a bit rushed. I liked the original characters, and I'm a sucker for even the smallest of whumps having lasting effects.

Asunder, most def, by rageprufrock. The scene where Dean closes his eyes and Cas puts his hand over his eyelids? Makes my knees wibble everytime.

There might be more, I'm sure, most of them with qualifiers.

I'll link later. Shoulda been in bed hours ago.

Sara and I are watching Hell House (I know -- mom of the year, that's me) and she just came out as a definitive Dean girl. When I asked her why she liked Dean better, she had to whisper it in my ear, giggling: "Because he's *cute,* Mommy."

Here is the GIF I was talking about with super-tall JP.