I don't know what this means exactly but apparently I find it hot when Sam is big and looming and equally I find it hot when Dean is battered and in pain. Yup dirty wrong.

Some of that probably speaks to their strengths as actors. Jared does intimidating really well. Jensen does vulnerable and in pain really well.

It's the scary, "we are dangerous and damaged and will fuck your shit up" that does it for me there.

Oh, god, that too.

That whole bit, damn. I never would have imagined it S1. I mean, they were badassed and shit. But when I think outsider POV now, I think them from that alley, and it's shivery good.

Speaking of shivery POV, I stumbled onto Wolfpack. Yeah, that's on the wincest community. That wasn't where I read it first--it wasn't tagged, so the content surprised me. The Sam/Dean is slight, and it's AU and it's wrong. All so wrong.

Oh, it's SO wrong. God, I remember that story. Still gives me chills.

paxlux's Howl!verse is like that, but even creepier and more graphic and more violent, and the Sam/Dean is NOT slight. I stopped reading after a while, though -- the first couple were gorgeous and chilling, and then it turned into horror overload.

...why was the memory of Mary arguing on the phone with John, and him having to comfort her, in with his "greatest hits"?

I heard it posited elsewhere that perhaps these "greatest hits" (prior to Zach's finally trapping the boys back in their home) weren't random at all, but were meant to be edifying for Sam.

For some reason I don't like the idea that Zach manipulated the greatest hits. I like the simpler idea that, really, that's what they valued--escaping hunting and helping people. And that Dean could never deal with that side of Sam, and that Sam was willing to shove all that aside to stop hurting him. But them being representative was important.

even creepier and more graphic and more violent

The idea of them feral is delicious, but, yeah, the Wincest pretty much is given at that point.

I don't like the idea that Zach manipulated

Me neither, but it wasn't Zach doing the manipulating in this speculation. Think Big Guy.

Hmm. Hmm.

God is a cheater!

You owe me a new keyboard.

I don't like that idea, either. Especially since he would have known that Zachariah was lurking, yes? I supposed I'm forgetting the whole Job thing, though.

I think I'm choosing to believe no one manipulated anything since it was never explicitly explained that way. OR: Amy says "La la la la I can't hear you!"

Something has to be private and special for the poor boys, even if it was painful in its way.