I think ... sharing my dirty bad wrong thoughts would be embarrassing and possibly too revealing. (Like how hot demon!Sam was when he had Jo up against the bar. Mrph.)

Ahem. (points up)

Heh. I saw that, Bev! I feel better now.

Dirty bad:

• demon!Sam with Jo
  
• yes indeed, BAMF Cas beating on Dean
  
• Dean and his paperclip escape in the pilot
  
• End!Verse Dean knocking himself out and dragging him back to his cave cabin
• oooh, Dean in Wendigo, calling for the creature to come get him

Do you think if you went to therapy and explained to your therapist what about Supernatural you found compelling and hot she'd try and fix you? Sometimes I wonder, and sometimes I have faith in the profession.

I mean, there is nothing right about Cas beating up Dean, except...everything. Everything was right.

Mostly I judge myself by imagining what my mother would think if she knew.

Oh, lordie.

I judge myself way more harshly for demon!Sam and Jo, honestly. And demon!John, who should have been on my list, really, but that paperclip thing and the naughty, completely confident look in Dean's eye ... Mrph.

I think if I tried to explain it to a total civilian, eyebrows would definitely be raised. "So, there are these brothers, and their mom died in a fire, and their dad never gave them a home, and they're doomed by heaven and trained to fight evil, and they're generally bleeding and in pain, emotionally as well as physically ... Thursday nights at nine on the CW! Check it out!"

I mean, who wants to watch that?! Except I do, so very much.

When my sister and I send fandom artifacts back and forth, we're a portrait in the same just expressed in different shows. She sent me one clip with a guy crying and she's all "You like how he did that!" I'm all "Honey, you have no idea how in it I am for the crying! My show is the weepiest!"

There are a lot of times Dean makes me think the sexy thoughts, but they're not what I would necessarily call...well, not as wrong as the evil or the beatdowns. That one dopey shot where he's grinning with the pen in his mouth from somewhere in S1, I think? Dreamy as all hell. But I feel pretty healthy about that. I could tell my mother about that.

My mother already wants to know why I'd have sex with a vampire. But I don't think I could explain all of SPN's appeal to her.

Well, that's the thing -- I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell my mom Sam with Madison or even Sam with Ruby was hot. That's just good plain sense, for me. I think she might even get Dean tapping the clip in Croatoan (which melts me).

Telling her about Cas beating up Dean? Or even -- fuck, I just remembered this -- Dean going apeshit on the vampire in Bloodlust? Not happening.

Whoa, Freudian slip there, or something.

I mean, who wants to watch that?! Except I do, so very much.

Now you sound like the Damien-Dean dialog.

Damien-Dean?

Dean: No, I am not a fan. Okay? Not fans! In fact, I think that the Dean and Sam story sucks! It is not fun, it’s not entertaining, it’s a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse! So you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement! I mean, you think they enjoy being treated like circus freaks?
Demian: I'm not sure you get what the story's about.
Dean: That so?
Demian: In real life, he sells stereo equipment. I fix copiers. Our lives suck. But Sam and Dean. To wake up every morning and save the world. To have a brother who would die for you. Well, who wouldn't want that?

In The Real Ghostbusters, Dean says (paraphrased) Our lives aren't thrilling or exciting or fun. We put up with crap you can't even imagine, and are scared spitless a lot of the time.

And Damien says, to wake up every morning and know you're going to do some good in the world, and that you have a brother who'd die for you--who wouldn't want that?

THANK YOU, ita! Yay, for the actual quote.