I'm not pooh-poohing you for posting the link, tommyrot; I'm just boggling at the idea that it's "news" that medicine is extremely gendered.

Yeah, I'm hoping maybe the article could be forwarded to those who need to read it.

I, more than anyone I know (except my brother) have BIG HONKING heart disease risk factors. What I hate -- and what terrifies me -- is that reading about warning signs of a heart attack is so goddamn vague.

"Unusual" fatigue? Seriously, how do I quantify that? I'm tired all the time.
Sleep disturbance? I take Ambien for insomnia -- what KIND of "sleep disturbance" am I looking for?
Chest discomfort? Um. Can you define "discomfort"? Seriously. I have discomfort in about 5 different body parts right now.
"Weakness"? OH MY GOD PEOPLE.

I guess my problem -- and this is probably just VERY specific to how my brain processes things, how I learn -- is that I really really REALLY need SPECIFIC examples of what these symptoms look like.

I absolutely understand that no 2 patients are the same, and so the symptoms will never manifest in exactly the same way in any 2 given patients. What Suzie Cardiac experiences might not be what I experience. I understand and accept that.

But still, with the understanding that the symptoms can manifest in an array of ways, ANY clarification would help me. Anything at all, to just narrow it down.

I figure I'm a walking cardiac time bomb, but if you tell me to "know the symptoms" and then tell me "sleep disturbance," all you're going to do is freak my shit out and make me worry that every little thing means a heart attack.

It scares the crap out of me, which I've maybe never admitted before. And so I want to know what should legitimately send me to an ER and what's just plain old fatigue, you know?

What I hate -- and what terrifies me -- is that reading about warning signs of a heart attack is so goddamn vague.

Not to mention the vast majority of those are also symptoms of just about EVERYTHING. So if you're experiencing fatigue and indigestion, you may be having a heart attack, or you may have just eaten Thanksgiving dinner.

(Lists like this are why DH is not allowed to Google for medical symptoms when he's feeling unwell. Hypochondria and the intertubes are unmixy things.)

So if you're experiencing fatigue and indigestion, you may be having a heart attack, or you may have just eaten Thanksgiving dinner.

And if you happen to really be having a heart attack but ALSO did just eat Thanksgiving dinner, then you might assume it's just the turkey. Because nothing ever exists in a vaccum. I have fatigue, sometimes worse than others. I also don't sleep enough, which I attribute the fatigue to. Which is probably right, UNLESS I just happen to ALSO be having a heart attack.

My dad described it as feeling like an elephant was sitting on his chest (unfuckingbelievably heavy pressure as well as extreme difficulty breathing). So I figure I'd recognize that. But, because I'm a woman, I might never have that symptom, but only have the weird-ass vague "sleep disturbances."

If it has to happen, I'd rather have the elephant feeling, because that seems fairly goddamn clear-cut.

(x-posted with Bitches)

So. I checked the map and the roads.

No way to go back to my parents that's not via rocket launching zones or the West Bank.

There's like zero chance a rocket's gonna hit the bus in the two hours I have on it and the waiting for another bus to take me home in Be'er Sheva, right?

(Forgive me for no reporting tonight. More dead, more wounded... it seems pointless, somehow).

Stay safe Shir.

It might be also worth to mention I'll be safer at home with my parents, where they don't have riots.

On Making Light a couple of months ago, immediately after Tim Russert's death, there was a thread full of heart attack survivors talking about what they now recognize as the red flags that went up in the minutes beforehand. The one weird and extremely vivid thing just about all of them experienced was a sudden irrational compulsion to get away from wherever they were and find someplace to be alone. On a bus, in line for a movie or a public restroom, in a library, wherever...they all felt overwhelmed by a loud interior voice saying GET OUT. GO AWAY. BE ALONE. Not a panic attack, just a big calm command to go be alone. Which, fortunately, none of them quite succeeded in doing before keeling over. IIRC, they all said it was nothing like anything they'd felt before or since, but they'd know it again in an instant.

It's a weird red flag, but at least it's not vague.

a loud interior voice saying GET OUT. GO AWAY. BE ALONE.

Aww, man, I always feel that way!

Okay, seriously though, it sounds WAY different than my mere misanthropy and crowd aversion.

And, because it deserves its own post, SHIT, Shir! I am so incredibly sorry! In my geeky religious way, I spent all yesterday praying for your safety and your sister's safety and everyone's safety and at least a modicum of sanity and real, compassionate leadership for every leader involved in the conflict; it didn't even occur to me to worry about mundane things like job security, and clearly the universe decided to take advantage of this lapse.

Well played, 2008, you complete and utter asshole.

Thanks, JZ. I really, really appreciate the thoughts and the prayers and the kind words all of you are sending towards here the past few days.