{{{Vortex}}} It sounds like she is just filtering everything as an insult. I'm sorry. Next time just say, Do you want to get together on such and such a day without adding any details that she can make something of. I have much empathy. TCG's mom is currently playing her game of not returning his phone calls and then e-mailing him to let him know that she is upset that they haven't talked since Christmas.

My clients often struggle with the 'insult filter' and with folks like TCG's mom denying themselves what they say they want.

It appears self-defeating to say "I want connection" and then reject connection or demand connection under unreasonable constraints.

But that is just they way some folks function. Niether good nor bad, just a choice.

It's sad that some emotional wells just won't ever get filled, but it makes me even sadder when other people get pulled down into the morass.

God bless all the happy in love people. Enjoy the bright and bubbly while it lasts, there's not enough silly joy in the world.

This. So much this. Gris, please know that didn't intend to be a lecture, though it sounded like one. If anything, I was lecturing my 23-year-old self and my 24-year-old DexH. Too bad that time portal isn't working properly. It sounds like the two of you have gone into this with a lot of thought and planning, and it's none of my business even if you hadn't. As I said, I wish you every happiness.

Vortex, what a difficult situation. I wish I had an easy answer, but it does sound like she's hearing everything through a filter right now and is so unhappy that nothing you could do would be the "right" thing to do. I'm very sorry you're facing the dual pain of missing your father and not being able to help your mother.

Shir, that's great!

Omnis, good luck on your date!

ETA: Also, yes, Jessica, that was exactly the song I meant. Oops.

Didn't need to be said twice.

Yay, Shir! And Yay! Sister of Shir!

Yay, Shir!

Vortex, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

What you can do is be patient and encourage her to find coping mechanisms on her own, to lean on friends and other family members. As time goes on, you can distance yourself more while encouraging her to turn to herself and other avenues for strength and support.

Edited: You know what? The rest was far more about me than you--let me just say, ((((you))))

Ooh. I wish I'd seen whatever that was Beverly. I like the way you rmind works.

Plus, you give good advice. It's always good to encourage people to be the adults you want them (and they want) to be.

Edited: You know what? The rest was far more about me than you--let me just say, ((((you))))

No, I think there are definitely some similarities, and you know at least some of what I'm going through.

As time goes on, you can distance yourself more while encouraging her to turn to herself and other avenues for strength and support.

I don't know, I think that the problem is that she's decided that I'm the one that she wants to be her rock. She says things like "you're the only one I can talk to". We were not close before my dad died, we have very little in common that isn't family related. Personality wise, we are almost complete opposites )except for common traits like stubborness :) ). If we weren't family, we'd be acquaintances. But now, she says she only wants to spend time with me. Her feelings/needs have changed, but mine haven't.

It sounds shitty, but part of me thinks that it's unfair that she's dumping all of this on me when there are plenty of other people that she can rely on (like, my brother or her best friend). I've been pretty accommodating, especially with shit like her not getting her driver's license, but expecting me to conform my schedule around her transportation needs.

She's also emotionally manipulative. She says things like "I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way that you treat me". She has not learned (after many years) that is the worst way to get a response from me, because it pisses me off when people try to manipulate me and I shut down.

ION, I was told in THREE separate official emails that nobody in my division will be getting a raise this year and we should be thankful that at least we're not going out of business entirely. OH YAY.

Hey, look at the bright side. If deflation's deep enough, it could feel like a raise.

I'm assuming I'm in the same boat. My company's announced they intend to cut the workforce by 20%. (And they're actually in fairly decent shape for a financial services firm.) I don't expect a raise this year, I'll be happy just to keep my job.