You could name Sadie Jackie and then really confuse things.

Pix stole my idea

Calli, much ~ma for your father. And clue~ma for the medical professionals.

Holy cow Calli. Tons of ~ma for your dad and a big giant cluestick for the medical "professionals".

Bonny, what are constructive phrases to use when seeking feedback from bosses, either generally, or in re: a specific project?

Andi, I love questions like this. So much fun.

Feedback seeking generally falls into categories.

1. Wanting to avoid a problem,
2. Feeling bad about something and wanting to know if anyone else feels bad about it too,
3. Feeling bored and wanting to get something to react to,
4. Desire for professional development

Unfortunately, most of us are much better at formulating 'don't wants' disguised as wants. "I just want to know what you are thinking," especially when directed toward superiors you aren't particularly close to is usually code for 'I am afraid you are thinking ill of me and I want to know about it because knowing will somehow feel better to me, or will save me from being surprised later.'

Before asking for feedback, ask yourself why you want it. If it is fear-based, clear that out before you speak up. (Ask me how!)

As we are learning from folks like Paul Ekman and the show Lie to Me, people can smell uncertainty and self-doubt, even when they aren't conscious of the signs.

I can't tell you the number of clients I've stopped from saying things like "You are disappointed in me aren't you?" It's a major facepalm for me when they forget one true fact...we train people how to treat us. If you are afraid that you are a screw up, you are right, whether or not you do an excellent job. That mindset will seep out. Sadly, the thought is rarely ever tied to emprical evidence. The vast majority of people who ask to be set straight about their faults are NOT the ones who need that advice, if you know what I mean.

Now, if there is something specific you are concerned about, I'd advise expressing that concern as a shared interest. For example: I know how important the client evalutations are to the program's funding. How do you think that effort is going and is there anything else I can do to contribute to bringing in the best possible ratings?

Parse that statement: You understand the org's need. You want to contribute to success. You are alreading working toward that success. You are open to doing something you may not yet know needs doing. You want the best for the person you are speaking to as well.

Not only will you get feedback that is actually constructive, but you are offering nothing to push back against that will make the listener lose focus.

Too often, folks open with "I know________is a problem BUT I want ______.

Think about it. How often do YOU stop listening at the BUT? (no porn intended, gutter-thinkers)

If you have either hypotheticals or specifics, I'd be happy to work them with you here or in email.

Calli, much health-ma for your dad.

Bonny and Jilli, I want to thank you for recommending the hydrogen peroxide in the ears trick. I've been doing that every time I feel a little run down, or like I might be coming down with a cold, and it has totally staved everything off! (I did put a little in my nose, too, when I was feeling sneezy. Also helped.)

Windsparrow, you did some sort of cat whisperer thing and by phone, didn't you? Can you send me that information? My housemate's kitty is a little princess who likes to bite people.

Sean, I hope your schedule eases at some point. It's not a sign of weakness to need food or break time.

Category 5: Fishing for Compliments?

I just watched "Prayers for Bobby" on Lifetime. This is possibly the most depressing thing I've ever seen.

I'm watching "Game Show in my Head". I thought it would be dumb but this contestant (Wendy) is so endearing I can't stop watching. She reminds me a little bit of Donna from Doctor Who.

Category 5: Fishing for Compliments?

Good one dcp. Yep. And, depending on the person, most often an example of fear. Narcissists aren't fear-based, but lots of folks who aren't sure of their worth and need affirmation don't FEEL as worthy as they'd like to. Sadly, no amount of external validation ever fills that particular well.

Yay for the peroxide cure d! Given how unrelently cold it has been here this winter (relatively, of course), my peroxide bottle is getting a major workout. So far, so good. Only one hardcore cold and the quality of life during that one was still pretty good.

ION, I am totally addicted to a youtube video of 4 Swedish singers doing Hallelujah. The gap toothed fellow is Kurt Nilsen, the 2005 World Idol winner. I'm not much of a country music gal, but his voice is slaying me. Seriously. Send help.