It's been a while, but...
FUCKCAKE O' THE DAY!!
Phone: ...so, what with one thing and another, I had to destroy my washer and dryer.
Me: How the hell do you have a washer and a dryer? You're a phone! You can't...
Phone: *ring* We'll talk later.
Me: But...
Phone: *RING* already, okay?
FCO'TD: I called my insurance and they say it's still active.
Me: ...okay.
FCO'TD: ...
Me: ...
FCO'TD: My name is Fuckcake.
Me: Fuckcake what?
FCO'TD: Fuckcake O' The Day.
Me: Just a moment. (tappity of keys tappity of keys)... you quit in 2007.
FCO'TD: Yes.
Me: And (Insurance Company) is saying you're still active?!
FCO'TD: Yes.
Me: Hold, please. (dials other dept.)
Me: Fuckcake O' The Day, formerly of the Fuckcakery of Fuckcakeville says her insurance is still active. She quit in '07.
Other Dept.: What?! (tappity of keys tappity of keys) No, her benefits termed in 2007.
Me: You're sure.
Other Dept.: Absolutely.
Me: Great thanks. (pick up other line) Fuckcake? Thanks for holding. We just confirmed that your benefits with Insurance Company terminated in 2007. You know, shortly after you quit your job.
FCO'TD: They say they're still active.
Me: Insurance Company said that?
FCO'TD: No, Other Insurance Company.
Me: You never had benefits through us with Other Insurance Company.
FCO'TD: Yes, I did.
Me: No, you didn't.
FCO'TD: Yes, I did.
Me: Seriously? No, you didn't.
FCO'TD: So I don't have benefits through you?
Me: No. Not since 2007.
FCO'TD: So who's going to pay for my doctor bills?
Me: When did you go to the doctor?
FCO'TD: Last week.
Me: Well, then, I don't know. Not us.
FCO'TD: Can I get my benefits back?
Me: No. You quit your job. Over a year ago.
FCO'TD: Then who's going to pay for my doctor's bills?
Me: Not. Us.
FCO'TD: ...
Me: ...
FCO'TD: *click*
Me: You do NOT have a washer and a dryer.
Phone: You know how to ruin a good story, you know that?