There is no judgment. There is only strategy.

Ah. So that explains one man's wife who exercised no judgment and spent the $30,000 he earned over the summer in Alaska and his only strategy of not thinking about it so he didn't kill her.

I thought that "judgment" in bonny's statement meant judgment of each others' dark sides, not "the ability to reason like a responsible adult and act within the world upon the results of said reasoning."

Me = don't want drama, emphatically so. Therefore, I need to try to change the contempt for bosses to something different.

Bingo.

And seriously, I completely relate to the 'I don't wanna' impulse when viewing the personal growth continuum.

My success in this area is firmly planted in my spiritual belief that when my work here is done, I'll either get a brief vacation is cerebral Hawaii, or the Great Cosmic Bus will come right 'round the corner for me.

Plus, I've stopped using the word 'work' and the phrase 'work is hard' simply because believing that made everything seem onerous. May not be realistic, but it fits with the color of the sky in my world.

Now, I chalk up the wins more than I deplore the loses.

I thought that "judgment" in bonny's statement meant judgment of each others' dark sides, not "the ability to reason like a responsible adult and act within the world upon the results of said reasoning."

Absolutely this.

Who could condone something like that? I'm not about excusing bad behavior. Quite the opposite.

Like my current crusade to topple the cult of personality around home improvement contractors that allows them to get away with rubbish behavior...long story, never mind.

But sometimes, the only thing available is to understand something (whether that is based on fact or a choice you make) and move on.

Steph you made a really good point about who suffers from your feelings about your old bosses. Wouldn't it be great if God really did smite people on our behalf? Then again, we've seen how that ideology doesn't work.

Who said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for [your bosses] to die." ?

It makes sense to resent...especially since most of the time we are RIGHT, but it doesn't help us to be happier people.

Who said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for [your bosses] to die." ?

I first heard it from Anne Lamott, but I believe that she got it from someone else; I just can't remember who.

Wouldn't it be great if God really did smite people on our behalf?

Yes! Woo hoo!!!

Then again, we've seen how that ideology doesn't work.

...oh, that. Right. Dang.

It makes sense to resent...especially since most of the time we are RIGHT, but it doesn't help us to be happier people.

If I could let go of the need to be acknowledged for being RIGHT (which may well be my downfall one day if I can't let it go), I wouldn't be chock full of resentment.

I just can't be content with the secret knowledge that I'm right; I need *everyone* to know it AND acknowledge it. Which makes me like some character in a Greek drama.

It makes sense to resent...especially since most of the time we are RIGHT, but it doesn't help us to be happier people.

This was my epiphany during my divorce. I had a right to be angry, but I didn't have to exercise that right. Also, I really didn't want to be embittered by the experience and when I was clear about that then I had to learn to let go of things. Like, my sense of righteous anger.

Positive Recreational Drama: When I was just out of college and temping I started to have a fling with my supervisor. I thought, "Oooh, that's a bad idea. She's my boss and this can't end well." And then I thought, "Aww fuck it. My life could use a little drama and engagement. Seriously, this is a temp job, I'm just out of school, I don't know that many people in Boston. Why not?"

As it turns it out, it was a nice fling with no negative repercussions.

t /tongue in cheek

I had to learn to let go of things. Like, my sense of righteous anger.

Personal growth is HARD. t /Barbie Steph

I don't WANT more personal growth

Wrod.

I've been accused of being cold-blooded in the face of bad things, but my reaction is based on the few seconds of "Well, that utterly sucks. Let's see what we need to do." I want to have screaming hysterics, but they're not practical. I kind of envy people who can indulge in histrionics, because they're obviously not the people who have to clean up the mess.

tongue in cheek

I think everybody should have their tongue in Sail's cheek. Well, not everybody. But you know, a select list of pretty people.

If I could let go of the need to be acknowledged for being RIGHT (which may well be my downfall one day if I can't let it go), I wouldn't be chock full of resentment.

Oh god. There have been times in my life where resentment was, quite simply, the air that kept me inflated. Without it, I'd have been like a sad, wrinkled, used up balloon drifting on the sea of being and ultimately choking some innocent sea creature to death.

Seriously. Kept. Me. Going. Major respect for that emotion, yo. But, then it outstayed its usefulness and got replaced.

Unsolicited advice, ho: Try not to use language like 'I can't let go of it.' Even while you believe it is true. No point in concretizing sometthing by repeating it.

I'm not advocating the any airy fairy, just squeeze your eyes tight enough and wish hard enough garbage. I'm talking about the science of brainwashing. Quite practical really. We learn through repetition.

Repeat something else. "I'm gonna love it when I let this go!" Gives your subconscious something to work toward, besides defeat...offers endorphins that spark creative thought and simply reminds you of the choice you are making to think differently.

t end of unsolicited advice