Hmm, so how many e-mails before a plane ticket needs to be purchased. Eh. Nevermind.
Whatever suits your comfort level.
The Boy and I have more than one set of friends (who are couples) who moved in together after dating for 1-2 months. I said to him, "Oh god, I wasn't comfortable with moving in together for 2 YEARS! Am I lame? Am I totally 19th century? Oh god, you have such a lame girlfriend!"
The Boy: "There was NO WAY we were moving in together any sooner than we did. You and I are just slowpokes, and that's totally fine. D & A, and S & R are just...very sure of themselves, and that's totally fine for them."
Me: "Thank you for affirming my distrustful ways."
The Boy: "Oh, I still won't lend you money, my car, or leave you alone with my pets." [Note: none of the above is true.]
Me: "Dude, that's fair. You're pretty sketchy."
The moral of the story: some people move fast, like bunnies, because it works for them. Some people are slower than a glacier, and it works for us them. It's all good. Just don't feel pressured to move at a speed you aren't comfortable with.
(Although I suppose it sucks for the faster partner who is being considerate and not pressuring the slow partner to speed things up. But -- good job not pressuring your partner, Hypothetical Faster Partner!)
Lewis and I met on a blind date that was so blind neither of us knew we were going on it. Twenty years ago this coming June. And we were at different unis several states apart so we did the long distance thing for a year, then decided to move in together.
Happens however it happens, right?
Happens however it happens, right?
Totally. If it works for the couple, that's all that matters.
(In case my previous, long-ass post implied otherwise. It wasn't meant to.)
(In case my previous, long-ass post implied otherwise. It wasn't meant to.)
Oh hell no, babe. Don't mind me if I'm not clear enough-- only on my second cup of coffee and because of the Footloose influence last night, I'm now listening to 80s synth-pop. You have to forgive me if my brain is leaking out of my left ear.
Totally. If it works for the couple, that's all that matters.
Yep. I've never moved in with someone (not including my brother) without a marriage certificate. Conversely, I knew I was going to propose to Wallybee within six months of meeting her. I think it's by now well established that I should be a role model for no one.
One of my most significant relationships involved a proposal on the first date.
I was in a writing group with a woman who married her husband after 24 hours of knowing him. They've been married for (IIRC) 20+ years now. Maybe 25.
I've been giving this a lot of thought lately.
The previously mentioned rel, which did not end in marriage (and rightfully so, despite the rightness of the feeling at the time) ended nearly 8 years ago.
Since then, I've had 3 relationships of lesser significance, each of which taught me a lot.
I honestly believe that I am now the perfect candidate for a relationship. Here is a handy pdf checklist of criteria.
Incidentally, I would love feedback on the list. I use it frequently and am always open to refinement.
But now that I've achieved all but one half of one criteria, I don't have a relationship and don't anticipate (nor feel a need for) one any time soon.
It feels like the notion of mindfulness that says that once you give up an attachment to something, your energy wanders off to work on other stuff.
At one point I was annoyed by this. Oh great. I do all the work and my prize is...NOTHING! Until I realized that my prize is the absence of drama. I think I'd enjoy being enriched by a man in my life but I think I'm okay with not.
Does that sound like tragic rationalization?
I come from a long line of speed-partnerers. My grandparents' engagement was 5 days long. My parents met when my mom rented a room in my dad's apartment (and they've never lived apart since). DH and I are the relative slowpokes because we'd been dating for a whole FIVE MONTHS before we got engaged. (And then were engaged for 5 years because neither of us wanted to get married while we were still in college.)
(Also, hi Bitches! It's been a while since I've poked my head in here.)
