Ok...I know this is not at all on-topic, but I had to share two pictures from the party today (and these will go back behind lock in a minute).

Snowman Cake: [link]

Eating Snowman Cake: [link]

Did you read the linked article, Connie?

I did. It's what made me think that her list of privileges were not so much "white" as "dominant culture."

Mmmm. Yummy cake.

The older I get the more outspoken I have become when exposed to things like racist jokes. I don't tolerate that crap.

I decry racism but can see the struggle with boundaries and what crosses lines and what doesn't, etc. I went to school with, and work with a lot of Filipinos. I pretty much identify in a lot of ways with Filipino culture (I rooted hard for Pacquiao over de la Hoya I tell you what) and my colleagues and I laugh a lot over the Filipinos' (especially the older generation) love of karaoke.

So today, we're out to lunch and I'm asking Ricardo what he's going to do over the holidays and his answer is: "I'm Filipino, you gotta ask? K-A-R-A-O-K-E!"

It was really funny. Should it not have been?

I think the context of the lesbian U-haul joke (which I first heard on E.R. years ago) is simply not hurtful. It might be a stereotype, but not all stereotypes are hurtful, right? Context is important, and I believe that it's worth it to take the time to consider the who/what/why/where of things that are supposed to be funny.

I say this as someone who has ended a friendship like a snapped twig with someone who said the "n" word out loud. I take racism and bigotry really seriously, but understand that comedy is subjective. Hell, even the "a joke isn't funny if no one is laughing" comeback doesn't really work because it's not the absence or presence of laughter that defines racism. Lots of rednecks laugh themselves silly over saying shit about people; doesn't make it okay just because they're laughing.

But it's different to make a joke based on one's own group than for a group to laugh at a joke about a race or nationality not even present. It's different for my Jewish husband to make a joke about how few Jews are on Survivor than it is for my WASPY former in-laws to joke to each other about camping with Jews and how they always want the "dry corner of the tent." Both are based on stereotypes, but one is inclusive and one is exclusive.

That looks like a fun and tasty cake.

I figure if one person feels uncomfortable about a joke -- than it probably is racist/sexist or otherwise offensive. There are some areas where people chose to do something ( like take drugs , sleep with a nonspouse while in public office or even join a particular political party) that are often ( but not always ) fair game. Things there is little choice over, not going to lend themselves to funny jokes.

like Laura, I take less an less from people. Mostly, I tend to walk away. In the right circumstances, I ask a question that might get someone to think. And I refuse to justify my feelings of offense. ( that was awkwardly phrased) I live in the bay area -- I see the reasons for a number of stereotypes. But I have seen exceptions to every stereotypes.

and once again VW, do what makes you feel comfortable with CBD. When Dh broke up with me ( long before he was DH) I would have had to hide at home to not see him. So, I still did what I wanted to do. But I drew mental lines -- and if Matt wanted to 'talk' and I didn't want to -- I didn't.

But it's different to make a joke based on one's own group than for a group to laugh at a joke about a race or nationality not even present. It's different for my Jewish husband to make a joke about how few Jews are on Survivor than it is for my WASPY former in-laws to joke to each other about camping with Jews and how they always want the "dry corner of the tent." Both are based on stereotypes, but one is inclusive and one is exclusive.

Right. I don't think we disagree. I think context covers that too, and you're completely right with the exclusive versus inclusive aspect.

But I don't necessarily agree with the "if someone finds it offensive" than it is notion. The listener has the responsibility to be an adult and realize that not everything in the world is about *them*. As an example, there are people who might feel offended if I say that I don't believe in god. That doesn't mean I am offensive; it means they're too sensitive or judgmental.

I have had people tell me that I offend them when I talk about my Atheism - usually it's a situation where someone asks me where I go to church and I say, "at Pacific Bell Park" and smile sweetly. Most of the time they realize what a nosy question it is, and my answer quiets them. But I've had people tell me that it's offensive to equate a baseball field with a church. Come on, people! Grow up!

And now I am out on a tangent, sorry! Okay, gotta run to pick up an item off of Craigslist.

The knapsack exercise is a good starting point, but it's hampered because it was focused on incoming college freshman, as I recall, and those tend to skew towards middle class white kids, so it doesn't get into the intersectionality of oppressions.

The Tim Wise essay on the presidential race this year may provide a somewhat more tangible example of it all. If I could dig it up (I can't remember exactly where I put the link, to be honest).

I think I linked to it in my LJ, Plei. Lemme look.

Is this what you're thinking of?

Damn skippy, that's the one.