That looks like a fun and tasty cake.

I figure if one person feels uncomfortable about a joke -- than it probably is racist/sexist or otherwise offensive. There are some areas where people chose to do something ( like take drugs , sleep with a nonspouse while in public office or even join a particular political party) that are often ( but not always ) fair game. Things there is little choice over, not going to lend themselves to funny jokes.

like Laura, I take less an less from people. Mostly, I tend to walk away. In the right circumstances, I ask a question that might get someone to think. And I refuse to justify my feelings of offense. ( that was awkwardly phrased) I live in the bay area -- I see the reasons for a number of stereotypes. But I have seen exceptions to every stereotypes.

and once again VW, do what makes you feel comfortable with CBD. When Dh broke up with me ( long before he was DH) I would have had to hide at home to not see him. So, I still did what I wanted to do. But I drew mental lines -- and if Matt wanted to 'talk' and I didn't want to -- I didn't.

But it's different to make a joke based on one's own group than for a group to laugh at a joke about a race or nationality not even present. It's different for my Jewish husband to make a joke about how few Jews are on Survivor than it is for my WASPY former in-laws to joke to each other about camping with Jews and how they always want the "dry corner of the tent." Both are based on stereotypes, but one is inclusive and one is exclusive.

Right. I don't think we disagree. I think context covers that too, and you're completely right with the exclusive versus inclusive aspect.

But I don't necessarily agree with the "if someone finds it offensive" than it is notion. The listener has the responsibility to be an adult and realize that not everything in the world is about *them*. As an example, there are people who might feel offended if I say that I don't believe in god. That doesn't mean I am offensive; it means they're too sensitive or judgmental.

I have had people tell me that I offend them when I talk about my Atheism - usually it's a situation where someone asks me where I go to church and I say, "at Pacific Bell Park" and smile sweetly. Most of the time they realize what a nosy question it is, and my answer quiets them. But I've had people tell me that it's offensive to equate a baseball field with a church. Come on, people! Grow up!

And now I am out on a tangent, sorry! Okay, gotta run to pick up an item off of Craigslist.

The knapsack exercise is a good starting point, but it's hampered because it was focused on incoming college freshman, as I recall, and those tend to skew towards middle class white kids, so it doesn't get into the intersectionality of oppressions.

The Tim Wise essay on the presidential race this year may provide a somewhat more tangible example of it all. If I could dig it up (I can't remember exactly where I put the link, to be honest).

I think I linked to it in my LJ, Plei. Lemme look.

Is this what you're thinking of?

Damn skippy, that's the one.

I have had people tell me that I offend them when I talk about my Atheism - usually it's a situation where someone asks me where I go to church and I say, "at Pacific Bell Park" and smile sweetly. Most of the time they realize what a nosy question it is, and my answer quiets them. But I've had people tell me that it's offensive to equate a baseball field with a church. Come on, people! Grow up!

But...you weren't making a joke. not the same circumstance. I might have been unclear -- but, I 've also been told I need to lighten up and get a sense of humor.

IveryimportantN, the plug for my tree is being difficult. I don't have the patience to deal with it ( old house , worn out plug receptacles)

Things there is little choice over, not going to lend themselves to funny joke

I like that definition, it's clear and precise.

if ungrammatical

love when I post and don't read -- and then do it again

Hil, re: your Star of David necklace story:

Here wearing such necklace became recognized as a political statement for a short period of time (about 2-3 years, 4 years ago, IIRC). I can't generalize, but let's just say you would rarely find leftists (or people over the age of 22) wearing it. It started as a patriotic thing, but became very fast "I love my country and I think it's right and should be favoring Jews so it can do whatever it wants".