Ok. I'm stressed about this stupid party because my set-up plans and stuff keep getting thwarted. It'll be fine. I'll figure it out, but I bitched about it to my parents, and they're doing the, "You need to calm down and accept this and work with it. You're getting yourself all stressed out, and you're not going to enjoy it, and blah blah blah." The thing is, I need to VENT, get it out, validate that it's a frustrating situation, then move on to figuring out the plan. And they end up just frustrating me more because they're telling me to calm down when I just need to vent for five minutes.

UGH.

I went to bed, but not before making a total fool of myself. Oh, well.

He wants to come play with Toto on Thursday. I'm probably going to let him, but will go to the grocery store or something while he's here.

Oof. Um. Well, you know best what boundaries you need to make but I am a fan of the immediate post-breakup complete radio silence, which gives everyone time to readjust and reorient themselves. It's not permanent, but it helps things from getting all merge-y and mushy out of fuzzy boundaries and loneliness. (I am speaking generally- YMMV)

I have other specific thoughts that I will not air for two reasons: 1) it's none of my freaking business and 2) it's a public forum.

I'm with Nora in the whole concern-for-this-not-fucking-with-your-head thing.

Well, he's not purposefully fucking with my head. It's just my brain being my brain. BUT, I did e-mail him this morning and tell him that I didn't want to e-mail/text/IM/talk/see each other till after Jan 1. I think that will help.

Oh, I'm not trying to demonise the guy. But if it were me (which I realise it isn't!) I think I'd find it a head-go-boom situation - which is to say, I don't think it's particularly YOUR brain being your brain. There may well be some people out there who would be all teflon-skinned about it, and well done them, but most of us need a bit of a transition period to deal with the adjustment from intimacy to not.

I think you're dealing with the whole breakup thing in a very emotionally mature and wise fashion, and I continue to be impressed by your sense and decency. Go team vw!

The Shir and omnis audis Show is so much fun to watch.

Sure, I wake up to find I am a show. I'm used to watching, the voyeur, the Sound Guy at the back of the house, not the entertainment on stage. At least I'm entertaining friends, I suppose. And the extra blood flow to the cheeks should help keep the face warm outside.

seekrit message to Shir: um. Hi! :: wink :: t shy (ya, it will take a lot more to close that tag)

Well, he's not purposefully fucking with my head

Wanting to come over and play with your dog? Fucking with your head, even if he doesn't *think* it is.

I don't mean to be unkind, but it doesn't seem healthy to break up with someone and then just days later ask to come over and play with their dog. Because -- no. That's what breaking up IS. It means you don't see them, talk to them, or spend time with their pets, no matter how cute the pets are. And it's an unhealthy way to extend his connection with you.

But mostly I worry about *you,* vw, because *you're* my friend and CBD is not. He's extending his connection with you in this "Oh, I miss your *dog*! Can I come over and play with your dog?" way. It's sneaky and emotionally dishonest, even if he doesn't realize (or will admit) that it is.

I didn't want to e-mail/text/IM/talk/see each other till after Jan 1.

Does that include dog time?

Well, he's not purposefully fucking with my head. It's just my brain being my brain. BUT, I did e-mail him this morning and tell him that I didn't want to e-mail/text/IM/talk/see each other till after Jan 1. I think that will help.

VW, I admit, I don't know you nearly as well (i.e. as long) as most on the board. But I do know you've come a long way in the time I've known you. Your brain seems to be firing on all cylinders as far as I can tell. Break ups are stressful and emotional. Especially when one party doesn't want the break up. You do what you need to do. We got your back.

FWIW, I think the radio silence thru new years is a good idea. As mentioned above, it gives both parties time to just think without any lobbying. At 12:01 on Jan-1, you can send a text saying "Happy New Year!" or "Happy New Year! Always, your FRIEND" or something like that, to either allow a door to be re-opened, or to firmly keep the door closed as it is. Or just say bugger off, kick up the heels and have fun, and wash him out of your hair, as the old song goes.

Either way, I just wanted to pipe up and say, I wish my brain worked that good in past break ups.

Does that include dog time?

Yes, it does.

Your idea of time apart until after New Years sounds good, vw.

Gronklies. I'm trying to motivate myself to get up and get dressed and go work on some research. As usual, this isn't working so well.

I've also got to go get x-rays of my shoulder done sometime this week, which really means either today or tomorrow. Research today, x-rays tomorrow morning?