"I won't pick my nose, I won't grab myself [when having to use the restroom], and I won't call anybody a cracker."

Not even John McCain can follow all those rules; it's not fair to expect a 4-year-old to follow them....

My throat is vey ouchy. It's been four days. When do I go in for a strep test?

Um, yesterday?

David Sedaris, on undecided voters:

Undecided

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

There's a story on one of the Wire commentaries where Dominic West(who's really from London) had to rely on the support of his TV partner when the mostly-black crowd got kind of hostile when he exuberantly said "Oh, I think you'll love the new season. It's a real cracker!" I thought Michael K. Williams(Omar) was going to laugh himself to death.

David Sedaris, on undecided voters:

I read that yesterday, and, while its really fucking hysterical, it ALSO captures it perfectly. Given how different Obama and McCain are, I cannot fathom how someone can be undecided at this point.

Undecided

People may like Obama, but they've been raised to believe that "socialism" (generally undefined, but somewhere with "The Devil") is bad, and people whom they have trusted up till now are saying Obama="socialism". The cognitivie dissonance is killing them.

Why don’t I travel everywhere by gothed-out hot air balloon? Why am I not accompanied by a perpetual Danny Elfman-penned soundtrack? Why am I not greeted everywhere I go by women in fanciful costumes twirling fiery…thingies…to say nothing of being greeted with open arms by Winona Ryder?

I ask myself these questions ALL THE TIME. Well, not the one about Winona Ryder.

In regard to erika's story, I once saw something on a board where Jesse Jackson was referred to as "a Greek". Someone from England posted asking if that was an Americanism for something other than ethnic origin, because Mr Jackson was not, as far as he could tell, of Greek ancestry.

You know what is really disturbing here. "Got 'er did" What the hell tense is that?

Past perfect idiot.

Ginger wins.