I love that his name is Romeo. One of my best friends has four pugs. She's threatening one more, because she doesn't have a black pug. I'm thinking of staging an intervention.

(Says the woman with the three dogs, one of which weighs more than her four pugs put together.)

AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

The Republican Party just called me. Asked if I had time for a few questions.

"Will waterboard torture be applied?"

"Uh..."

"Besides, I'm a registered Democrat, your presidential candidate is about to keel over and die and your VP candidate is a terrifyingly inept and incredibly stupid woman whom I wouldn't trust with a single-celled organism, much less the fate of the free world. Good bye."

I love polls and surveys. I figure I'm representing a few thousand people in the stats, and this is my chance to inject some chaos.

Edit: I did one a few years ago, listened and answered politely, then when asked, "So we can count on your vote on Tuesday?" said, "Oh, hell no, I wouldn't vote for him if God endorsed him." The pollster yelled at me for wasting her time, to which I cheerfully said, "Yup, I saved someone who might have been swayed from listening to you. Bye!"

Oof, Hec, I HATE those moments. I hope Zmayhem reaches a calm, enjoyable moment this week.

I wish I could share with every buffista the calm, cool quiet that is my house right now. Liv's napping, Owen won't be home for another half hour, the house is clean, I have new comic books to read and I don't think it could be any more perfect. I live for moments like this.

Liv's napping, Owen won't be home for another half hour, the house is clean, I have new comic books to read and I don't think it could be any more perfect

That sounds great.

I am doing this incredibly tedious work at the moment....

Anyway, if you had a boat, what would you name it? I'm thinking if I got an aluminum boat, I'd have to name it the Aluminum Falcon. But since most small boats are made of wood or fiberglass, that's not gonna work.

Right now I'm thinking if I got a boat I'd name it the Coelacanth. But maybe that name might present problems....

"This is the Coelacanth - we have experienced engine failure and are being blown towards the rocks. We need Coast Guard assistance!"

"This is the Coast Guard - what did you say your boat's name was?"

"The Coelacanth"

"What's that?"

"It's a prehistoric fish they thought was extinct, but it turned out it's not. Look, we're getting close to the rocks - we need help right away!"

"How do you spell it?"

"What, coelacanth? C O E L A-"

"C O E L? What kind of spelling is that? Are you sure you're pronouncing it right?"

[sound of boat breaking up on rocks]

I have this dream of having a day where I have the house to myself just so I can clean. This is unlikely to happen in the near future. Maybe in about 8 months.

I have this dream of having a day where I have the house to myself just so I can clean.

Huh. The single-and-living-alone life is very different from this....

Dear Gud,

Please. Be my husband. Or at least my cleaning service.

If I had time alone in the house more often, cleaning wouldn't be such a priority. It's just so nice and efficient to clean without any critics or distractions.