STBX just tried to friend me and I ignored the request. Things are amicable, but I don't need him near me on LJ or Facebook.

requesting some job~ma for Tom, he has an interview this morning at 10am...

Too late for the -ma (unless the interview is still going on, in which case ~~~~[[[{{{{{{ ). Is this for THE job?

For me, the non-threatening, much-stronger-and-larger-than-you paradigm for girls is also why so many girls are horse-crazy during that point in development. I (and the study I read) could be talking out of my ass, but here we have this beautiful, strong creature that is much larger than your average girl and is perfectly capable of doing some serious damage. However, by virtue of training, the horse won't, and will instead be docile and let the girl direct it. Which, I'm not comparing ZE/Jonas Brothers/etc. to a horse, but puberty and pre-puberty is distinctly confusing and frightening, especially when your playmates start becoming larger and stronger than you. So, if they're all clean-cut good boys, the chances of you still being able to exert control seem high - which is important when your own hormones seem to be spiraling out of control. Same with the shy "bad boys" (hello, Jordan Catalano). "I'm the only one who understands him" = some modicum of control.

Or am I talking out of my pert bottom?

I am distraught. They have stopped making my OTB (One True Bra).

Oh noes!! rends garments, except for her own One True Bra, which has been discontinued for a while

From teaching early adolescents I would say non-threatening actually does mean no real sexuality. A lot of girls that age want to fantasize about a guy who will hold hands with them and be lovey and sing love songs while gazing at them moonily and possibly kiss them, but that's all. They are not interested in sex so they choose someone who seems like they aren't interested either.

It's healthy, really--girls choose crushes for themselves where they feel the guy will only be EXACTLY as interested in sexuality as they are themselves--so they control how the charged the fantasy is.

Is this for THE job?

Heh, no- it's for another one at the school down the road from here!

Speaking of that job, Tom sent a follow up touching base email to the hiring manager 2 weeks after his interview, which was 3 weeks ago today. It's OK to send another mild email to touch base now right? I'm trying to work out the balance between showing continued interest in the position and annoying people.

I agree with Fay's take on "nonthreatening." I always read it as "he won't hurt me, either sexually or in a non-sexual yet physical way."

Plus, I think that "nonthreatening" is more of an adjective that's skewed towards how PARENTS see the boys their little girls might be squeeing over. Parents who aren't ready for their 13-year-old girls to be sexual (whether that's right or wrong is NOT the point of my comment, so I'm not addressing that) are going to be more comfortable if their daughter is running after some androgynous boy-band boy who looks like he can't grow facial hair.

Because, right or wrong, the appearance of androgyny (or lack of machismo) means, to parents (and especially fathers, I'd wager) "This boy will NOT fuck my daughter."

But there's also the element to "non-threatening" for the girl herself that means "I don't even know what I want from boys yet -- maybe I don't even WANT boys -- but I know what I'm 'supposed' to want, and I know that boys are 'supposed' to push us to do sexual stuff but I'm not ready for that, and this boy seems like he won't push, so yay."

To me, that's what "non-threatening" means.

ION, all that bloviation is just my way of killing time at the hospital; my own non-threatening boy just got taken into surgery about half an hour ago.

Ativan is my friend.

Also, I think I need to go back on antidepressants, but I can't think about that right now or I'll lose my shit entirely (which, in and of itself, is probably confirmation that I do need to go back on them).

I just -- I went off the Zoloft mostly because of how much weight gain it caused (but also because I thought my depression was under control). I don't want to go back on something that's going to make me gain more weight.

And I know -- probably better than a lot of people -- that there are antidepressants out there that don't cause weight gain, and I have a good doctor who will work with me to find one that both works to keep me from being crazy AND doesn't make me gain weight.

I'd just rather not have to do it at all, you know?

Okay, I'm going to go forage for lunch. There's a Chinese place here, which is tempting.

It's OK to send another mild email to touch base now right?

I'd say so. With maybe some indication of being aware that the long wait is understood. But it's been a long time since I was job hunting; I may not be the best info resource.

Here's to a quick surgery and smooth recovery to The Boy, Tep, and an equally quick journey for you in finding serenity. You got a lot on your plate right now, darling.

Thanks, scrappy.

an equally quick journey for you in finding serenity.

Although now you got the theme song to Firefly stuck in my head.

Oh noes!! rends garments, except for her own One True Bra, which has been discontinued for a while

Actually, I found it online. It had NOT been discontinued, Nordstrom just stopped carrying it in stores. Stupid bitch salesperson. She was terrible anyway, I should have known that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about.