You guys, I can't stop losing my shit entirely.
There's this big convention-type thing in town that the BDSM group is doing, and Tim went early to help set up, etc., while I tried to nap. Then I was going to get a shower and go up there.
I'm having a total panic attack again, I'm hyperventilating, and I can't stop crying hysterically. I can't even fathom the idea of driving over there (~20 minutes) all by myself. Actually, I can't even handle the idea of getting in the shower. It's all too much. I can't do it. Any of it.
And Tim is supposed to be there all night, until 2 a.m. or later, and I want to ask him to come home because I'm hysterical and can't calm down, but that isn't fair to him, because he wants to be there and plus they need his help. But I don't want to be alone for the next 6 hours.
I don't know what to do. He's going to call me back in a little while, so I just have to make it until then.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I've dealt with depression before, but this is SO different. I've never had a panic attack before, and now I've had 2 today. I can't stop crying and I don't even know what to do next. I shouldn't be reacting like this. I don't know what's going on.
Oh Tep, do you have anybody else you could call to come over and be with you? I think that would be grounding and help you.
It might have to be Tim, even though it's extremely inconvenient. But this is a legitimate crisis and he'd rather be with you when you're in this state that off having fun.
But if there's anybody else in town that could help, call them now.
Would it help to talk to one of us on the phone?
You're not alone, Teppy.
And you've had two panic attacks in the same day because everything you're stressed about is still there, with the additional stress of "OMG what if I have a panic attack?"
Teppy, I am so sorry.
I want to ask him to come home because I'm hysterical and can't calm down, but that isn't fair to him, because he wants to be there and plus they need his help. But I don't want to be alone for the next 6 hours.
ASK HIM. Yes, he probably wants to be there, but I'm certain he'd want to be with you more if he knew you were having trouble. Can you go ahead and call him now? Or text him a 911 text telling him to call home ASAP?
But this is a legitimate crisis and he'd rather be with you when you're in this state that off having fun.
Yes, this.
When I've had panic attacks, it's usually helped to find some way to distract myself. Do you have someone you can call and talk to, or a DVD or something to watch? Want us to link to weird YouTube clips? (Looking at other peoples' crazy seems to help me, for some reason. [link] )
(((Teppy))) Sorry you're going through this.
Oh Tep, do you have anybody else you could call to come over and be with you? I think that would be grounding and help you.
I can't. I realize the irony of complaining that my dad won't call anyone but me when he's in the hospital, while *I* turn around and refuse to call anyone.
But -- I'd have to explain to them what's going on, and I'm not exactly coherent, and it's just too much. I would need someone who I don't have to explain anything to.
It might have to be Tim, even though it's extremely inconvenient. But this is a legitimate crisis and he'd rather be with you when you're in this state that off having fun.
I'm going to RUIN his night. Which makes me feel even worse.
Would it help to talk to one of us on the phone?
I was in the process of posting "No, thank you," before you called and got all bossy.
And thank you. Even though all I could manage was weepy sniffles.
Ruin his night. It's what love is for. It's not ruining ruining.
For those playing along at home, MAC was the answer. I think. I'm up a tube of Cyber and a bottle of Vintage Vamp.
