How do I even deal with that?

You call his friend and ask her to drive him home anyway?

Any way you can just show up and get him after work, Tep? It doesn't sound like arguing with him is going to get you anywhere at this point.

How do I even deal with that?

You call his friend and ask her to drive him home anyway?

I realized I don't have her number. Mostly because, why would I have the phone numbers of my parents' friends?

Damn, Steph, I can think of all kinds of options for your dad, but he seems to be a real expert at rationalizing his own martydom. At this point, let him stay. Eventually, he'll get tired of shelling out the extra money every time he pulls this. (I hope, for your sake.)

After making what feels like a gazillion phone calls today (despite my phone phobia, go me!) I think I finally was able to get my insurance agency to fax over the right form and now I need to get dressed and run to make the meeting on time. Wish me luck!

he seems to be a real expert at rationalizing his own martydom.

I guess it's his way of trying to maintain some small degree of control over what's happening. I understand that -- his body is just completely falling to pieces and hurting and not working properly and he can't do anything under his own power to fix it. So he tries to control what he can.

The problem is, what he's exerting control over is not just his mode of transportation, but *me.* I'm trying to *help.* I'm trying to give him options -- more options means more control. But I guess when I don't fall in line with what he thinks should happen, it's like one more thing being taken out of his control.

I just don't know why he can't look to the left and see the other options.

((((Teppy)))) I'm with Jessica. Just show up. Then point out that his options are (1) let you drive him home, or (2) stay, which means you'll have wasted the trip. Which means, if you want to be evil, you get to play martyr.

Well, what I really want is for someone *else* to drive him home. I'm so sick and fucking tired of being the only one.

I know that's awful, but there it is.

The problem is, what he's exerting control over is not just his mode of transportation, but *me.*

Teppy, my grandmother is doing this to my mom and her brother, and it's absolutely a matter of control. She has to visit the nursing home where my grandfather is every day. She has to decide when. If they suggest she take a taxi, it's proof that they consider her a burden.

It's really not malicious. It's just a way of coping. It doesn't make it suck less for you, of course.

Or (3) call him a taxi from the hospital and push him in when it gets there. At least then it's just a trip to the hospital and back. And you still get the martyr option.