How do I even deal with that?
You call his friend and ask her to drive him home anyway?
I realized I don't have her number. Mostly because, why would I have the phone numbers of my parents' friends?
Spike? It's you. It's really you! My therapist thought I was holding on to false hope, but…I knew you'd come back. You're like…you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful than ever. Oh…he's alive Frodo. He's alive.
Andrew ,'Damage'
Spike's Bitches 42: Which question do you want me to answer first?
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Steph L. - Oct 23, 2008 8:59:15 am PDT #9006 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
SailAweigh - Oct 23, 2008 9:01:35 am PDT #9007 of 10001
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
Damn, Steph, I can think of all kinds of options for your dad, but he seems to be a real expert at rationalizing his own martydom. At this point, let him stay. Eventually, he'll get tired of shelling out the extra money every time he pulls this. (I hope, for your sake.)
sj - Oct 23, 2008 9:06:40 am PDT #9008 of 10001
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
After making what feels like a gazillion phone calls today (despite my phone phobia, go me!) I think I finally was able to get my insurance agency to fax over the right form and now I need to get dressed and run to make the meeting on time. Wish me luck!
Steph L. - Oct 23, 2008 9:07:43 am PDT #9009 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
he seems to be a real expert at rationalizing his own martydom.
I guess it's his way of trying to maintain some small degree of control over what's happening. I understand that -- his body is just completely falling to pieces and hurting and not working properly and he can't do anything under his own power to fix it. So he tries to control what he can.
The problem is, what he's exerting control over is not just his mode of transportation, but *me.* I'm trying to *help.* I'm trying to give him options -- more options means more control. But I guess when I don't fall in line with what he thinks should happen, it's like one more thing being taken out of his control.
I just don't know why he can't look to the left and see the other options.
Fred Pete - Oct 23, 2008 9:09:43 am PDT #9010 of 10001
Ann, that's a ferret.
((((Teppy)))) I'm with Jessica. Just show up. Then point out that his options are (1) let you drive him home, or (2) stay, which means you'll have wasted the trip. Which means, if you want to be evil, you get to play martyr.
Steph L. - Oct 23, 2008 9:13:49 am PDT #9011 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
Well, what I really want is for someone *else* to drive him home. I'm so sick and fucking tired of being the only one.
I know that's awful, but there it is.
Dana - Oct 23, 2008 9:14:03 am PDT #9012 of 10001
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.
The problem is, what he's exerting control over is not just his mode of transportation, but *me.*
Teppy, my grandmother is doing this to my mom and her brother, and it's absolutely a matter of control. She has to visit the nursing home where my grandfather is every day. She has to decide when. If they suggest she take a taxi, it's proof that they consider her a burden.
It's really not malicious. It's just a way of coping. It doesn't make it suck less for you, of course.
SailAweigh - Oct 23, 2008 9:14:30 am PDT #9013 of 10001
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
Or (3) call him a taxi from the hospital and push him in when it gets there. At least then it's just a trip to the hospital and back. And you still get the martyr option.
Trudy Booth - Oct 23, 2008 9:20:36 am PDT #9014 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
Okay? How do I even deal with that? He won't call the available person because he doesn't like the way she drives -- note that I did NOT say "beggars can't be choosers" -- but he's willing to martyr himself and stay in the hospital one more night because he doesn't want to inconvenience me tonight.
My gut instinct says "He's frightened and looking for an excuse to stay in the hospital overnight. He may not even realize this." My gut could be wrong of course.
Beverly - Oct 23, 2008 9:24:58 am PDT #9015 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Teppy, my parental situation is not the same as yours, at all. But I get the "I don't want to be *your* parent!" thing, and it's a really really hard one to grapple with. Can I just send a commiserly hug (if you'd allow it, that is), and tell you to back off as often as you can to assess his behavior and your reactions as dispassionately as possible? It really is time to let someone else handle as much as possible, so that you can maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Recruit whomever you can to help as much as possible so you can maintain.
Let me just say that it took me eight years past my dad's death before I was able to remember him as the man he was. That's a lot of crap to work through without the other person there, and it's not something I wish on anybody else.
On an entirely other note--GC, the hair is beyond cute! It's really flattering and you look adorable. You always look adorable (I'm reclaiming this word on behalf of vocabularies everywhere. A certain loomy presence does not retain possession of it), but the hair adds the additional dash of oomph.
Treadmill has not arrived. I have resorted to vacuuming. Those who know me understand to what depths I have descended.