Mmmmm. Rugelach. Also, I would like Scrappy's hair color, please.

I don't know what story I'm telling here, but apparently it involves Mice Mime.

More of Scrappy's haircolor. (She's turned her face from the camera, but that's her, second from the right.)

You ARE doing what needs to be done, Tep. You are there and loving him. That' huge. The DH's ex-wife was bipolar and would not go on meds for several years. She changed from a warm loving woman to an out-of-control, angry, person who hit the DH and said terrible things to him. He stuck with her through it all because he knew she was ill, and she ended up leaving him. (She is now on meds and doing very well, by the way). The first few years of our relationship he was very wary and waiting for the "real" me to come out. The only way he could learn that I wasn't going to become abusive was just for time to go by and for him to realize I am pretty much WYSIWYG. The way to help him with this hurt was just for me to stick around.

But then what do I *do*? What do *I* do? This just hurts so much.

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Poor DH had to deal with my pain from my previous marriages. He was incredibly patient and a wonderful listener. He has had to listen to so many stories about them, not just from me, but from friends and family too.

I had (and still have 25 years later) huge feelings of failure over my divorce. It was my decision to end the relationship after 12 years and he fought me every way you could imagine. It was the right decision to leave, and yet I had profound guilt over the failure. Could I have done things differently? Of course. Would it still have ended, probably. Still feel guilt and failure.

On top of that poor DH had to deal with my unbearable grief over the loss of DH#2. For the first few years we were together I would cry for no apparent reason and he was wise enough to just be there and know he couldn't fix it.

Brendon has a number of issues with my past marriages. DH#1 was 20 years older than him and was an impressive accomplished fellow; DH#2 was dead and therefore way bigger and better than life. He often felt threatened and even inferior to my previous husbands. Craziness!

But we somehow muddled through and over 20 years (!!!) later I think he finally gets that he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

It Came From the Snack Bar.

Wish I could've framed the picture so that I got the whole billboard on the right, but I was getting rained on at the time.

Sounds like the tour was a resounding success, David. Did your voice hold out?

Sounds like the tour was a resounding success, David. Did your voice hold out?

It did. I had a whole spiel ready if my voice went. "I'm going to lower my voice now to a lulling, evocative whisper. You'll be drawn into this narcotic realm, completely entranced until I become the opiate of the masses. Or possibly lead mass with opiates. Could go either way."

The tour was a total success! Really cool and fun.

This just hurts so much.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, Tep, and that you've been going through these things recently. It really sounds like you are doing everything you can. I'm sure he knows you think he is amazing. There has been so much good advice posted. Know we are all here for you.

{{{{{Tep}}}}}

Poor DH had to deal with my pain from my previous marriages. He was incredibly patient and a wonderful listener. He has had to listen to so many stories about them.

This is me. DH and I are both divorced. My previous marriages (DH is #3) were a total failure. I had married a beater and then a cheater. DH's ex just wasn't a good match for him.

For DH, most of the stories he has heard haven't particularly been good. He has patiently listened to the horror of memories that resurface from time to time. His love and comfort have gone a long way in helping me heal.

DH had gotten rid of most of his wedding photos by the time we met. He kept the ones with his mom, his grandmother and his friends. I've seen them but they mostly just stay tucked away by his choice. I have my albums and he has seen them. His would rather not look at them again as he gets upset about the way my ex's treated me. For me, they are a record of who I was and how far I've come.

I have guilt over my divorces and the marriages themselves. There were times I really blamed myself for what happened. The feelings of failure are difficult, too.

DH has been a patient rock. We've been married for 10.5 years now. While things haven't always been easy, they have definitely been worth it.

I just feel...unsure, like showing me his wedding pictures (happiest day of his life, etc.) just underlines the fact that *he* feels like his divorce was a massive failure, and my presence -- being Not The Wife -- is a constant reminder of that failure.

Has he ever said it was the happiest day of his life? That's the fairy tale princess theory, but I don't know many people who really thought it was. There's too much stress and too much family drama. When I look at my wedding pictures, I feel wistful that I couldn't magically make it work, that I didn't try to get my ex help earlier, and, often at the same time, sorry I didn't have the foresight to bail earlier, before I was caught in a financial and personal meltdown of epic proportions. I doubt I'll ever have the chance to apply the things I think I learned from that, but it sounds like the Boy is aware of his mistakes and really wants to do better with you, which should be a plus in the long run.

I'm afraid I am clueless like the Boy, and I probably would have pulled out wedding pictures just because I thought you'd be interested. This may be why I'm unlikely to be in another relationship. My wedding photos [link] are also useful to make people glad the '70s are behind us.