Timelies all-- back from Land of Maus, completely exhausted, but with enough time to recover before the munchkins head back to school tomorrow.
Reading through, I'm appalled that Labor Day weekend has turned into a weekend of labor for so many. Again, many good thoughts and continued ~ma for Vortex; Stephanie, good to hear that you got a nap-- did the fevers go down, as they're wont to do with the little ones?
"I have a good recipe for chocolate pie." = "She thinks she's a better cook than I am."
Yargh, Ginger-- I fear I'm turning into this, at least with respect to writing. I've been having such a hard time lately, with the rejections and other issues, that I've seemed to have lost the joy in brainstorming and am simply hearing well-meaning suggestions through a filter of "you don't like it, you must think it sucks," which is not only stupid, but dangerous and narrow-minded. I'm trying to break free of the cycle, but since I'm currently stuck in a vicious state of limbo, it's tough. Bah--
I'm me, and I can only fit a me-shaped hole -- and I don't feel reassured right now (by him) that he can live with that hole always. being. there. while I'm standing next to it, unwilling to try to fill it.
Yeah, but honey, if he'd wanted the ex-wife shaped hole, she'd still be there. It's a hole that has to close gradually, but you're not expected to fill it or even patch it. You're just expected to be you (who is completely fabulous) and carve your own niche in his life as he's done with yours.
I tell you what, if you say to him some of the lovely things you've posted about him here, then I bet that helps to reassure him that he is clearly not a failure at relationships. Says the single chick who knows more about nuclear physics than relationships, which is to say, not a lot. At all. So, again, take it for what it's worth.
In conclusion: I'm sorry you feel crappy. I wish for it go away.
In completely unrelated news, I'm borrowing my sister's dog for the week, because she is aDORable. I swear, I feel the stress of a spectacularly crap week last week just melting away with her stalwart presence. Pets are awesome.
I have no useful advice for Teppy, though I am reading everyone's comments with interest and sympathy.
Also, huge amounts of -ma for Vortex.
But then what do I *do*? What do *I* do? This just hurts so much.
This is what sucks so much when the person we love hurts. We want to jump in and do something and fix it when all you can do is love him. Which is everything.
Mmmmm. Rugelach. Also, I would like Scrappy's hair color, please.
More of Scrappy's haircolor. (She's turned her face from the camera, but that's her, second from the right.)
You ARE doing what needs to be done, Tep. You are there and loving him. That' huge. The DH's ex-wife was bipolar and would not go on meds for several years. She changed from a warm loving woman to an out-of-control, angry, person who hit the DH and said terrible things to him. He stuck with her through it all because he knew she was ill, and she ended up leaving him. (She is now on meds and doing very well, by the way). The first few years of our relationship he was very wary and waiting for the "real" me to come out. The only way he could learn that I wasn't going to become abusive was just for time to go by and for him to realize I am pretty much WYSIWYG. The way to help him with this hurt was just for me to stick around.
But then what do I *do*? What do *I* do? This just hurts so much.
I'm sorry that you are hurting. Poor DH had to deal with my pain from my previous marriages. He was incredibly patient and a wonderful listener. He has had to listen to so many stories about them, not just from me, but from friends and family too.
I had (and still have 25 years later) huge feelings of failure over my divorce. It was my decision to end the relationship after 12 years and he fought me every way you could imagine. It was the right decision to leave, and yet I had profound guilt over the failure. Could I have done things differently? Of course. Would it still have ended, probably. Still feel guilt and failure.
On top of that poor DH had to deal with my unbearable grief over the loss of DH#2. For the first few years we were together I would cry for no apparent reason and he was wise enough to just be there and know he couldn't fix it.
Brendon has a number of issues with my past marriages. DH#1 was 20 years older than him and was an impressive accomplished fellow; DH#2 was dead and therefore way bigger and better than life. He often felt threatened and even inferior to my previous husbands. Craziness!
But we somehow muddled through and over 20 years (!!!) later I think he finally gets that he is the best thing that ever happened to me.
