Oh, Vortex. I am so, so very sorry. Hugs to you and your family.

Though I guess these days any time someone has an opinion, it automatically means that they ALSO are attacking the opposite viewpoint, simply by virtue of holding their own viewpoint.

Yes, I've discovered this by having eloped, not wanting kids, and not liking diamonds. Weird that THESE are the issues that freak people out.

Ugh, Tep. I gotta say, I understand all the points that divorced folks here have made, very logical. I think I would have flipped like a mammal though. Especially since it came about, like, trying to prove you wrong on your beliefs? Anyway, you win at life for not freaking out on him OR your craxy mom. Because... yeah, I don't know that I'd have been so level headed.

I just can't believe it about Vortx's dad. Jesus. Again, I am so sorry. I literally gasped out loud when I read Beep Me.

ImemememeN, I cooked a pulled pork dinner all by myself yesterday! I had to get up at like 8am to get the seasoned meat out of the fridge and get the wood chips smoking. Then the whole process took 6 hours. I also made BBQ sauce from scratch. Mmmm... barbeque.

the phone just ate my Meara.

Teppy - what everyone else said. Grr that your mom still needs to pull moves like that.

Pix - glad you are feeling better and also that you can kick CTY to the curb.

Stephanie I want to fly down there to watch the kids so you can get a nap.

The universe has a puckish sense of humor: DHs family vacation spot for 3 generations is also the axis point for all the trees and grasses that kick up my allergies. I can either spend the long weekend in a gronk coma because the drugs are trying to work overtime ... Or I can not go. Second is not a wish or an option. Feh. Vermillion OH, I bid you a fond farewell until we duke it out again next year.

Teppy, just to be clear, I hope you didn't feel that I was attacking you or diminishing your feelings by my response earlier.

Not at all! I need the perspective from people who have been divorced, because, not having been so myself, I don't understand The Boy's P.O.V. on some things. I *appreciate* and value your response. Totally.

Ugh, Tep. I gotta say, I understand all the points that divorced folks here have made, very logical. I think I would have flipped like a mammal though. Especially since it came about, like, trying to prove you wrong on your beliefs?

I'm still managing to say everything in direct contradiction to him today. Every time I open my mouth, what comes out is something he already knew I had an opinion on, about which he has an opposing viewpoint.

So I'm still feeling like suck-ass Not Right replacement girlfriend this weekend.

Anyway, you win at life for not freaking out on him OR your craxy mom. Because... yeah, I don't know that I'd have been so level headed.

I didn't freak out on either of them, but I'm miserable and weepy still this morning. But whatever. I have to finish up this project for the nuns and then get some housework done. I'm just hoping we don't disagree on the proper way to clean the bathroom.

Hello, caffeine. I know you still love me. Get in my belly.

I didn't freak out on either of them, but I'm miserable and weepy still this morning.

Oh noes, don't internalize, Teppy's brain! You are awesome. They love you but are slightly nuts. (it's what makes life such a WONDERLAND of EXCITEMENT!)

I have a 1 year old's birthday party to go to today. Hopefully there will be Pimms Cup. I will drink one for you, Tep.

When are you coming to New England!?!?!??

the proper way to clean the bathroom.

The wrong way to clean the bathroom is to accidentally bump the shut-off valve behind the toilet with a mop in such a way that it springs a leak four days later, in the middle of the night, and floods your apartment.

The wrong way to clean the bathroom is to accidentally bump the shut-off valve behind the toilet with a mop in such a way that it springs a leak four days later, in the middle of the night, and floods your apartment.

From this I'm deducing two things: (1) lesson learned the hard way, Scola?, and (2) I should, to be on the safe side, just NOT clean the bathroom.

lesson learned the hard way, Scola?

Is there an easy way to learn this lesson?

I should, to be on the safe side, just NOT clean the bathroom.

It will probably take me months to get over my bathroom cleaning trauma. IJS.

I think Scola and Steph are both so wise that it would be foolish of me not to learn from them.

Vortex, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. {{{{{ }}}}}

I need the perspective from people who have been divorced, because, not having been so myself, I don't understand The Boy's P.O.V. on some things.

Well then, I'll add my two cents. When you form a new committed relationship after a divorce, you're in an odd space emotionally. You are ready to move forward and you don't have doubts about the person you're with. But you may have some doubts about yourself, or what it means to make a lifetime commitment.

You made this choice before and it didn't work and even after you move past it, there's some damage.

So the trickier part with the new person is that you do want them to understand who you are, and what you've been through. But there's no real safe way to express this huge, life changing experience to them. The life changing experience being the divorce - not so much the previous marriage.

So, whereas you are focused on the fact that he was married to somebody else. To him, that's probably very far from the point. The Boy is very clear that the first person was the Wrong Person and you are the Right Person, so it's almost hard to imagine that you'd feel jealous. What he does want to convey is this sadness and damage that comes from divorce.

It is an experience that changes you. How can he let you know who he is without telling you about what he lost? Not because he lost that person, but because he lost something of himself. A kind of open faith in the future.