So.

S's health has been taking a slow turn for the worse since she came back from Texas.

As of this morning, it's looking very, very likely that I will have to go through the whole trip to the ER, followed by anxious days and nights while they try and stabilize her in the hospital thing one more time before I move out. She's very lethargic, is falling down and having serious problems walking around, and has been showing signs of electrolyte imbalance for a couple of days.

As per usual when she deteriorates to this condition, she gets very surly about denying her condition and her need to be in a hospital, which usually results in her not going in to the hospital until her condition has become dire. She's also being very resistant to the idea of going in to the hospital before tuesday (or monday at the earliest), she she doesn't get an enormous, ridiculous bill for Share of Cost for the month of August.

I'm sure I won't be able to get her in to a hospital before Monday.

I really can't go through this any more, but I will because it needs doing. It just makes me feel that much crappier about leaving. She can't live on her own. She needs somebody to take care of her, but I can't do it any more.

Ugh Sean, I'm so sorry you have to go through this again.

Off to muscle the van to the mechanic. Send me some ~ma!

she doesn't get an enormous, ridiculous bill for Share of Cost for the month of August.

Sean, I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through this right now, and I'm also furious that S has to worry about having to pay in order to live healthily.

{{{Sean}}} I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is truly an incredibly difficult thing to go through, even in relationships that have been intact and strong for 20 years.

Where do her parents/family live? Are they close? Can they step in somehow? Any other friends?

I also want to say that the first person who needs to take care of her is her. If she's not willing to take responsibility for her own health and well-being, there's no way anyone else can do it. I know that doesn't make it easier to see someone you care about suffer, and this probably only adds to the feelings of helplessness, but the fact of the matter is that you can't help her until she's willing to be a part of it, too.

oh, Sean, I'm sorry. Does she have any friends in the area who could help out?

MM, hope the van fixing up is minimally spendy. I should have asked for some car ~ma earlier in the week when my check engine light came on. They put in a new component based on one code it was throwing, it was fine for like 1/2 a day, and the light came on again. Now it's throwing another code requiring another component and will be an additional $500 more to fix. fucking car stuff. I still think it's better in the longish term to keep fixing this car rather than getting a new car and having car payments but I really need to sit down and do the math (UGH!) to make sure that it is. the car really hasn't caused too, too many problems over the years.

Hey All!

Happy, Happy Birthday to meara & Jen!

Ack, much get-there-safe-ma, MM!

Was there more? Probably, but I am uncaffeinated as yet, so I'll just say {{{Bitches}}}.

Has S considered Disability? It doesn't look like she can work, and maybe not all disability processes are as degrading as Utah's. I found that the deciders are impressed by actual hospitalizations and obviously impaired people, over surly Vikings who are doing their damndest to tough out the problems.

I'm also furious that S has to worry about having to pay in order to live healthily.

Yeah, me too. I can't even begin to talk about the current state of health care without going crazy with rage. I just know if I were to get into it with someone with right-leaning views on the subject, there would be a high danger of punches flying.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is truly an incredibly difficult thing to go through, even in relationships that have been intact and strong for 20 years.

Thanks, Jen. It's been tough. I wanted so badly to save her. But that's not given to me to do, and I feel like an idiot for even wanting that in the first place even as I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do it.

Where do her parents/family live? Are they close? Can they step in somehow? Any other friends?

Houston. And I've been asking them for help for three years, to little avail. Most of them have little they can offer from afar. Her father has means, but is among the serious contenders for Douchenozzle of the Planet.

She has all of three friends here in LA that still talk to her, but few of them ever reach out to her. She has to call them, and even then, they only expend the help that's convenient.

I also want to say that the first person who needs to take care of her is her. If she's not willing to take responsibility for her own health and well-being, there's no way anyone else can do it. I know that doesn't make it easier to see someone you care about suffer, and this probably only adds to the feelings of helplessness, but the fact of the matter is that you can't help her until she's willing to be a part of it, too.

I know. It's one of the reasons I can't stay. I can't go down with her.

Happiest birthdays to Jen and meara!

(both of whom have let me sleep on their couches, incidentally)

Car-ma to MM.

Strength and patience for Sean.

Pain-ease for Pix.

Continued de-fleaification for Momo.

I've gotten Matilda to watch episodes of Avatar because she's fascinated by that show's Momo.