Wow. I still can't believe she can talk. She used to be a reason for you to wear a particular cut of awesomely fabulous clothing! And now she has talking? And timeouts?

She's very chatty. NSM around people she's not familiar with. Then she goes into Silent Staring mode.

It can't possibly be that 899 times was 898 times too many; clearly the actual problem is that between 899 and now I forgot how to do it, so she has to tenderly and lovingly remind me.

She'll be a great comfort to you as you descend into senility.

Oh, I've seen him. He looks like he's in a mall somewhere, with his headset and his shadiness.

It's the headset that kills me-- dude, you're in a studio. Whyfor the headset nonsense?

And oh, dear heavens, JZ-- how I feel your pain for experiencing those days and God strike me ded for being so grateful to be past them.

Of course, there are new... challenges, let's call them. Puberty-- she is right around the corner for both of mine.

Last year, after a school day, I picked up the kids and as we drove off to do errands, I asked them how their day had gone. Nate explained they'd watched the puberty video in health class (segregated, of course) and asked, "Mom, how much of what's in the video is true?"

Talk about a loaded question. So I carefully countered with,

"Anything in particular?"

"Well, all that stuff about waking up with wet sheets."

"Well, dude, it's part of growing up. Your penis is a very unpredictable body part and until you go through this growing process, it may catch you by surprise more than a few times. Wet dreams are part of this and they're absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to every guy."

After a long pause, there's this enormously long, enormously put-upon sigh from the back seat, followed by an exasperated, "Darn sperm."

Seriously, it was a wonder I didn't drive off the side of the road from the sheer effort of holding back the laughter.

clearly the actual problem is that between 899 and now I forgot how to do it, so she has to tenderly and lovingly remind me.

Ok. That's kind of precious. But definitely so sorry for the bad night. That's never fun.

Seriously, it was a wonder I didn't drive off the side of the road from the sheer effort of holding back the laughter.

I think that I would have had a mysterious coughing fit.

Sample conversation with Matilda:

Dad: "Did you have fun at Maggie's [her daycare provider] today?
Matilda: "Mag-key."
Dad: "Did you play with Diego?"
Matilda: "Di Di."
Dad: "What's in your hair?
Matilda: "Oh NO! Clippie!
Dad: "Do you want it in your hair?"
Matilda: "No clippie!"
Dad: "Okay, we'll take it out when we get home."
Matilda: "Obbie? [Emmett]
Dad: "No, Obbie is with Emmie [his mom]."
Matilda: "Obbie with Emmie. Mommy home?"
Dad: "I hope so. We can watch some baseball when we get home."
Matilda: "No basebawl. Tubbies?
Dad: "You want to watch Teletubbies?
Matilda: "Tscha. [yes]"

I think that I would have had a mysterious coughing fit.

Unfortunately, they're on to that.

Your penis is a very unpredictable body part and until you go through this growing process, it may catch you by surprise more than a few times.

Would it offend anyone for me to say I'm really grateful I'm not a guy? Not that my body's entirely predictable (well, hello, unexplainable weight gain!). Perhaps it'd be more politic just to break into "I Enjoy Being a Girl".

What makes me sad is when very nice, otherwise intelligent, thoughtful young men turn out also to be racist dicks and completely not realize it. I'm doing what I can to raise their awareness, if you will, but it's a long slog. So glad I don't have any of my own.

...And now I need help getting out of my chair. Who stole my motivation? I just want to go home, but I can't seem to get going!

Emily, home is where the beer is. Now get to!

Oh, cutie Matilda!

On the bus today, there was a bunch of kids from a camp going somewhere. The little boy behind me couldn't have been more than five. He started by explaining to his care taker that he really was too old for a crossing guard. Then, as we drove past a house that had burned and was boarded up, he asked why there was wood over the windows. His caretaker told him that there had been a fire, and they had to put the boards over the windows to keep people safe. The little boy wondered how the boards kept people safe, so the caretaker listed reasons why people would need to stay out and who might try to go in, etc. Towards the end of the conversation the caretaker said, "And also, it..." The little boy finished it with, "...keeps out the monsters!" The whole little series completely cracked me up.