Sample conversation with Matilda:
Dad: "Did you have fun at Maggie's [her daycare provider] today?
Matilda: "Mag-key."
Dad: "Did you play with Diego?"
Matilda: "Di Di."
Dad: "What's in your hair?
Matilda: "Oh NO! Clippie!
Dad: "Do you want it in your hair?"
Matilda: "No clippie!"
Dad: "Okay, we'll take it out when we get home."
Matilda: "Obbie? [Emmett]
Dad: "No, Obbie is with Emmie [his mom]."
Matilda: "Obbie with Emmie. Mommy home?"
Dad: "I hope so. We can watch some baseball when we get home."
Matilda: "No basebawl. Tubbies?
Dad: "You want to watch Teletubbies?
Matilda: "Tscha. [yes]"
I think that I would have had a mysterious coughing fit.
Unfortunately, they're on to that.
Your penis is a very unpredictable body part and until you go through this growing process, it may catch you by surprise more than a few times.
Would it offend anyone for me to say I'm really grateful I'm not a guy? Not that my body's entirely predictable (well, hello, unexplainable weight gain!). Perhaps it'd be more politic just to break into "I Enjoy Being a Girl".
What makes me sad is when very nice, otherwise intelligent, thoughtful young men turn out also to be racist dicks and completely not realize it. I'm doing what I can to raise their awareness, if you will, but it's a long slog. So glad I don't have any of my own.
...And now I need help getting out of my chair. Who stole my motivation? I just want to go home, but I can't seem to get going!
Emily, home is where the beer is. Now get to!
Oh, cutie Matilda!
On the bus today, there was a bunch of kids from a camp going somewhere. The little boy behind me couldn't have been more than five. He started by explaining to his care taker that he really was too old for a crossing guard. Then, as we drove past a house that had burned and was boarded up, he asked why there was wood over the windows. His caretaker told him that there had been a fire, and they had to put the boards over the windows to keep people safe. The little boy wondered how the boards kept people safe, so the caretaker listed reasons why people would need to stay out and who might try to go in, etc. Towards the end of the conversation the caretaker said, "And also, it..." The little boy finished it with, "...keeps out the monsters!" The whole little series completely cracked me up.
Emily, home is where the beer is. Now get to!
It's actually where the gin and tonic and creme de cassis and Pimm's are. But no beer. Part of the problem is my vacillation over whether to go get some or not. Ah, life is hard. Off I go!
Emily, home is where the beer is. Now get to!
Or at least it's at Not Work.
Not to mention the Magic Erasers, originally hyped by the tools on The Apprentice.
Magic Erasers ARE magic! I wish they made giant ones for mopping.
After a long pause, there's this enormously long, enormously put-upon sigh from the back seat, followed by an exasperated, "Darn sperm."
Okay, that's comedy GOLD.
