I have ventured out into the world. The sun is big, the sun is bright : clap clap clap : deep in the heart of Texas! I am at an inspector station having my lil Prius inspected, detected, and hopefully not rejected. This place offers free car wash with inspection, so at least Midori will be clean when I head to the registration office.

Oh yeah - she LOVES lipstick. She has quite the collection of Bonne Bell and Chapsticks. Which she keeps in her ballet tutu dress purse. Which she carries while wearing my heels. I should post that picture.

SNORT

My kid knows better than to go attempting to tromp around in my heels. She watched me packing for one of my conferences and wistfully said to the Hub, "Mommy's never going to let me wear any of her high heels, is she?"

"You have a better shot at getting a date with one of the Sprouse brothers."

And thanks for the additional birthday wishes, y'all-- I'm waiting on the Hub to get home with dinner, which is apparently a big surprise. All I got were three choices:

"Do you want not bad, moderately bad, or evil?"

"It's my birthday-- go for it."

"No, seriously, I know you've been depressed about that weight you've gained-- do you want a shot at losing some of it soon?"

"Dude, I'm going to lose the weight-- we'll call this my last hurrah."

"Okay then."

I'm betting on something Mexican. I'm hoping. La Nopalera is wicked good.

Man, I just got an order from drugstore.com delivered -- with the box entirely OPEN and the tape ripped off. And by "delivered," I actually mean that I walked up to the front of the office and saw the box sitting at the farthest end of the counter in the lobby, which I assume means the delivery person dropped it and ran. Because I asked the people who work up front (we don't actually have a receptionist, since the only people who come to the office are UPS and FedEx delivery people) if they saw who delivered it, because I wanted to complain to the proper company -- USPS or UPS. Nobody up front saw anything.

The cherry on top of my open box? One of the items was missing. And it was (of course) the one item I needed; the others were just things I ordered since I happened to be placing an order.

I ordered a vat o' ibuprofen, generic claritin, and Max Factor Volume Couture waterproof mascara. I had to order the mascara online because it's not available in any stores near me except The Wal-Marts, and I would rather have naked lashes forever than shop there.

So you know which one was missing from the order, right?

God damn it. Why can't thieves steal the drugs, like they're supposed to?

I called drugstore.com, mostly because I wanted to register a complaint at their choice of delivery service, and also because I needed to find out from them which delivery service it was (it wasn't clear from the box, believe it or not, whether it was UPS or USPS). Because I intend to complain loudly to the Post Office (that's who it turned out to be) as well. I mean, seriously -- they deliver boxes that have been obviously ripped open?

But drugstore.com was really nice and is sending me a replacement mascara. However, they're sending it 3-day mail. which means won't get it for another week. My current mascara is clumpy and old, man. My first-world lash-tint problems are KILLING me.

God damn it. Why can't thieves steal the drugs, like they're supposed to?

Guess the thief didn't want to shop at Wally World either.

it wasn't clear from the box, believe it or not, whether it was UPS or USPS

UPS, Fedex and DHL all have deals with USPS where they'll deliver things to your local post office & let the regular mail take it from there. While I understand and appreciate this attempt to save me money, I have NEVER received an item shipped this way that was not hopelessly screwed up (late, lost, damaged, you name it).

UPS, Fedex and DHL all have deals with USPS where they'll deliver things to your local post office & let the regular mail take it from there. While I understand and appreciate this attempt to save me money, I have NEVER received an item shipped this way that was not hopelessly screwed up (late, lost, damaged, you name it).

I wonder how the initial shipper (UPS, for instance) decides to ship it the entire way versus fobbing it off on USPS. Because I would pay more for 100% UPS delivery if I could.

Anyway, it did my cranky heart good to complain to drugstore.com. I don't actually think it'll change anything in their choice of delivery company (especially if they can pick UPS but UPS can turn around and fob it off on the USPS monkeys), but I still enjoy a righteous complaint.

And my righteous complaint to the USPS is soon to come.

I have about a billion deliveries out right now. I fear for my gap t-shirts and books.

I'm celebrating my high cholestrol with chocolate chip cookies.

My new truck is currently getting a shell installed over the bed.

Our current house is the only place where I haven't had problems with deliveries from UPS (knock wood). In CA and DC they had a perfect record of incompetence and I had a folder full of complaints. When I had a problem in CA with the USPS, my carrier called the postmaster's office from his cell while I was standing there and then handed me his phone and waited while I made the complaint. Someone showed up with the wayward delivery about 30 minutes later, and I got a letter of apology from the postmaster the next day.

The dentist told me that I didn't need any work right now, hurrah! But that I should stop using the toothpaste with baking soda, boo! I don't like sweet toothpaste!

Happy anniversary, Jessica!