Wellbutrin did nothing for me. Celexa worked really great for straight depression, but didn't hold off anxiety attacks for me. Ativan was fucking miraculous, when I needed it. But, now that I'm on Lamictal, I don't need the Ativan at all. The only thing I need, occasionally, is a good sleep aid and I've got Ambien for that.

As much as I love Wisconsin and the green of summer, I'm sick to death of the winters. I lived 15 years of my life in warmer climes (California, Arizona, Florida, Tennessee and southern Spain), I'm ready to go back to one of them (but not Arizona.) California would be my first choice, Florida my second.

I skipped.

Two days, nearly four hours combined with tech support between Comcast Linksys (sucks ass totally crap) and Belkin and I think I finally finally have a wireless connection that won't crap out.

We'll see.

IF I have to call comcast and wait again I'll scream.

I can't get over how fucking gorgeous Wisconsin is during the summer. Green, cool clear and just awesome to be outside. I think it might totally be worth suffering through the winters (but I've only been through the one, so I may change my mind later).

My side effects with Lexapro have been nearly non existent. I think I take the lowest dose but if I miss one or two days of pills I get ansty and anxious and easily depressed.

California would be my first choice, Florida my second.

And may I be the first to say, "Go California, Choose California!"?

I miss Midwest springs & autumns like woah, but not enough to give up the SF climate. (And the Midwest summers & winters were punishment in and of themselves.)

Jessica and Cashmere, I hope y'all are packing layers. We're looking at mid-60s for the highs all weekend, but that could change at a moment's notice.

Check.

Huh. I remember that *I* had a complete psychotic break at the SF2F Prom (and I'm only slightly kidding about that, but it is the biggest factor in my non-attendance at subsequent F2Fs), but you seemed totally fine. Go team Xanax!

You were the one Kristin checked with before giving it to me cause I was on the Lamictal and I was fall.ing. apart in Amyth, Kate P, smonster, and juliana's room.

Ha! Meanwhile I was hiding out watching vids.

Now at the LAF2F, otoh, I totally fell apart all over SA for quite a long time during the Prom, and had to hide in our room and do lots of crying and freaking out over my lack of social skills & conviction that nobody liked me. (Overwrought? Just a trifle.)

Christ. It's stupid o'clock in the morning. I was up watching Doctor Who on DVD until 3am, and at 6.45am a friend phoned me to ask what my apartment number is, as she was leaving me a package. Am now too awake to go back to sleep, but feel like death warmed up.

Oh, I'd probably end up in California if I could afford it. I miss San Diego like whoa. I fell in love with it the first time I was stationed there and wish I'd never left it after my second tour there.

Georgia! Greener and cooler than Florida. Rarely burns. Has only one small earthquake fault. Frequently has embarrassing politicians, but how do you avoid that? People may refer to you as a peach or a cracker, but never a cheesehead.

The weirdness of the trip:

There were several old, dear friends I saw this last week that rejuvenated my soul. But other friends have become fat, and sad, and old, and they are the same age as me. It was creepy and strange.

It was very good (like WHOA) to see Aims, Em, and MM, again. I'm glad they are doing okay now, and I know they're here to stay, but I still miss them.

A couple of my old "friends" (only a couple, and really just the sad ones) decided to spend the time they spent with me slagging me down, and reminiscing about times twenty years ago, when they were super cool, and I was awkward and dorkish -- "Hey Sean, you remember that time I almost killed/beat the shit out of you twenty years ago, because you were a spastic loser? Yeah, that was good times man! You sucked a lot back then."

I laughed it all off, and let them have their fun, because they were clearly pathetic now, and needed to get their little digs in, so they could feel better about themselves, and believe the lie in their heads that they're still "better" than me.

Who am I to rob them of their sad little glory moments? I didn't care. I have a great life out in California, that's treating me very, very well (current break up notwithstanding).

It made me sad for things (and people, dear, dear, beloved people) that are gone now.

It made me miss my dead friends a LOT, because I think they would have been among those who were very, very happy for me, even as they would have been very very sad that I'm never moving back.

There were some nice, pleasant little trips down memory lane with beloved people. And there were some less pleasant, but pointed reminders of why I left in the first place. (Ran screaming is more like it).

So yeah. I will be very happy to get off the plane in Burbank tomorrow. (Wish me safe flight ~ma, people)