The weirdness of the trip:
There were several old, dear friends I saw this last week that rejuvenated my soul. But other friends have become fat, and sad, and old, and they are the same age as me. It was creepy and strange.
It was very good (like WHOA) to see Aims, Em, and MM, again. I'm glad they are doing okay now, and I know they're here to stay, but I still miss them.
A couple of my old "friends" (only a couple, and really just the sad ones) decided to spend the time they spent with me slagging me down, and reminiscing about times twenty years ago, when they were super cool, and I was awkward and dorkish -- "Hey Sean, you remember that time I almost killed/beat the shit out of you twenty years ago, because you were a spastic loser? Yeah, that was good times man! You sucked a lot back then."
I laughed it all off, and let them have their fun, because they were clearly pathetic now, and needed to get their little digs in, so they could feel better about themselves, and believe the lie in their heads that they're still "better" than me.
Who am I to rob them of their sad little glory moments? I didn't care. I have a great life out in California, that's treating me very, very well (current break up notwithstanding).
It made me sad for things (and people, dear, dear, beloved people) that are gone now.
It made me miss my dead friends a LOT, because I think they would have been among those who were very, very happy for me, even as they would have been very very sad that I'm never moving back.
There were some nice, pleasant little trips down memory lane with beloved people. And there were some less pleasant, but pointed reminders of why I left in the first place. (Ran screaming is more like it).
So yeah. I will be very happy to get off the plane in Burbank tomorrow. (Wish me safe flight ~ma, people)
Safe flight ~ma, Sean. And more important, happy homecoming.
(current break up notwithstanding)
I saw that on Facebook. I'm sorry, man.
Thanks, P-C. It's.....
Yeah. It's tough. It's tough on both of us. It's a lot tougher on her. I've hurt her more than I ever, ever wanted to. More than I think anybody has ever hurt her.
I hate more than anything on the planet that I had to choose between me hurting and her hurting.
I fucking hate it so much. It's this shittiest thing I've ever had to do.
Ah, fuck. Sorry. Didn't mean to go all maudlin....
Rarely burns.
That's a good thing to have in a place of residence. Unfortunately, my place of residence has a barely contained wildfire about 15 miles away. The one 10 miles away in the other direction is finally out.
Yay, summer in Utah.
Hurt's still fresh, Sean. I'm glad you saw good friends. Sorry some of them are clueless idiots but you're in a better place so don't let them get to you.
Olivia is munching on carrot sticks that she got out of the fridge herself. I have no idea where she gets this behavior. Her stuffed lab puppy in the toilet--I know where she learned THAT.
{{{Seany}}}
I got some work done today. Not as much as I wanted to get done, but enough, and it gave me a definite direction for what I need to do tomorrow. Also, I was looking through job postings, and found an ad for a position at Ohio State that's pretty much exactly what I want to do. I need to get a bunch more stuff in order before I can apply (recommendations, teaching statement, research statement, CV), but once I have all that done, I'm definitely applying there.
I'm taking out my frustration with my mother by dealing with the stupid on a thread over at Smart Bitches. Dialogue is by and large reasoned, but there's the odd asswipe who thinks that an academic trying to ruin someone's writing career isn't that big a thing.
