I know she wants to come home, but I don't think that's the best place for her. Alas, I'm the only person in the family who has this opinion. I think she needs to be somewhere that we can have skilled care for her. Everyone else in the family associates anything like that horrible treatment, akin to throwing her into a jail cell.

Oh, Drew. I hope you can present the idea of a skilled care facility as part of your mom's treatment/recovery; as in, she'll get far better, far more consistent care there than she will at home, which will help her to recover more quickly and completely.

Your family is going to disagree, and when they do, point out that her severe fracture was because her at-home caregiver dropped her. It's not incompetence on the caregiver's part; these things happen, even in a hopsital. But in skilled-care facility, there is more than one caregiver available if the need arises, and that wouldn't be the case if your mom goes straight home.

You know all this; I'm not trying to tell you your business. I just hate so much that you and your family have been going through such unrelenting shit for so long. And I just want to help, and the only way I can is by throwing out obvious advice.

The last (obvious) thing I'll say is this: would having a doctor tell your family that your mom needs to be in a skilled-care facility help you make your case to them? Or are they the kind of people who would react with "Of COURSE a doctor would say that!" and pooh-pooh it because they think the medical establishment is shifty?

(I only ask because about half my family doesn't trust doctors, and so they'll *literally* do the exact opposite of what a medical professional recommends. It's led to some grim outcomes.)

If your family would listen to a doctor's advice, get your mom's doctor to sit down with your family, or at least a couple of them, and have the doctor stress how crucial it is for your mom to be in a skilled-care facility in order for her to recover properly and quickly.

I'm done dispensing the advice that you undoubtedly already know. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts, Drew.

{{{Drew}}} {{{Kristin}}}

Popcorn is palomitas. It also means little doves but I have had more than one spanish speaker order palomitas from me.

Drew, Kristen the universe needs to back off from you and your family for a bit.

would having a doctor tell your family that your mom needs to be in a skilled-care facility help you make your case to them? Or are they the kind of people who would react with "Of COURSE a doctor would say that!" and pooh-pooh it because they think the medical establishment is shifty?

The recommendation has already come from the doctor for at least 6 weeks of skilled nursing care. Dad was a doctor and mom was an RN so they do respect doctors. However Mom is also of an age where nursing home were horrible places and she's been very steadfast in her opinion that she doesn't want to end up in one. My sister is prone to hyperbole and for her it's extremes. One option is take care of her at home, the other is a nursing home where she is abandoned and people visit her once every ten years. I've been slowly getting her around to the idea that these things are a continuum and that a skilled care facility does not equal abandonment and in many way would make it easier for both of us to have time with her. We'll see. I also worry that if mom goes into any kind of home she'll give up trying even more than she has already. It's a lot of very tough options.

Drew and Kristin--I wish you all kinds of serenity and support. I truly admire the strength and maturity you are using to deal with this and hope that things get easier soon.

I've been slowly getting her around to the idea that these things are a continuum and that a skilled care facility does not equal abandonment and in many way would make it easier for both of us to have time with her.

I think that a lot of people still associate skilled-care facilities with "Nursing home; people go there to be abandoned and die." A lot of people, I think, don't even know that there's a world of difference between facilities where the purpose is skilled care and rehab, versus "retirement communities," where elderly people live until they die because they can no longer live independently.

I hope your mom can let go of her black-and-white thinking and realize that this would just be an interim step as part of her recovery.

We'll see. I also worry that if mom goes into any kind of home she'll give up trying even more than she has already. It's a lot of very tough options.

I can see that, too. I know this is a hard, hard place for you to be.

continued ~ma for you and your family Drew. You are very much in my thoughts. There has been much wise words upthread, and it seems you know whats going on, so just know we are here for you.

Pix, get some rest. Enjoy your time in Miami. It's supposed to be a happening place. And much travel~ma for you.

{{{{{{{{{{ Pix & ND }}}}}}}}}}

I will wave hello while I'm at DFW later today o_a. I'm only there for about 90 minutes, so it's not really enough time to see each other.

:: kermit waves :: in advance, as I'll be busy with musical stuff.

I've reached my productivity block. I can't concentrate on anything. Me thinks it's time for a break and a change of scenery. Coffee at Panera sounds about perfect.