snerk - back in the '60s the joke was that the only people who wanted to get married were priests and nuns.

I've made progress with the whole body image thing, but it ain't iron-clad, I tell you what.

Yep, same here. I really need to just get rid of the extremely well made wool skirts and jackets that I'll never wear again (size 10? 12? yeah, for 15 minutes in 1987, perhaps). Every time I think about buying myself nice clothes I have to fight against Mom's voice in my ear telling me that I have such nice things, I just need to get down into them again. After she died we donated a ton of barely worn clothes to Goodwill that she'd been trying to get down into for decades.

I'm a more or less decent person. I deserve nice clothes that fit just as much as the size 4 woman across the road. Speaking of this, I'm kind of craving a robe made of a nice, thick, jewel-toned satin. Ideally it would have long, voluminous sleeves, be ankle-length, and have a sweeping, full skirt. Think of something a 19th century French courtesan would wear while sipping cordials after a night of decadence, but before dawn. Any suggestions on where one might find this sort of thing? Most of the plus size lingerie seems to be on the skimpy, proud of my flesh let me show it to you, side. Which I support, but it's not what I'm looking for. Or it's terry cloth or flannel, which I have already.

WindSparrow, I'm very sorry you feel that way about yourself. It's a hard way to live. I've been there and it took a death to bring me out, so I'm not going to say crap like "Aww buck up camper it'll all be fine." Because if it was that easy we'd all be out of there, all the time. But I hope you can make peace with your physical self. Because the self you show on these boards seems pretty amazing.

Windsparrow, insent to your profile email addy...

Morning, Lovelies!

Andi, I totally feel you. I'm mostly OK with myself, but in my head I'm just not this fat. That's one of my big problems with dance classes with mirrors in them. I'm OK standing still looking in a mirror, but in motion in a mirror, I'm just not as lovely and graceful as I am in my head. I wish it didn't matter, but it's hard. Anyway, not to be all meme, just, y'know empathetic.

{{Barb}} Sorry that other peoples' inabilities to get their acts together is making you feel bad. Best of luck with whatever the next step is.

Aimee, thought of you last night. Men's gymnast Justin Spring totally looked like Prince Harry last night ('cept with, y'know, MAJOR arms and shoulders).

My "favorite" doctor comment is "You could lose some weight." If I could, I would.

Heh, Ginger. Yeah, I could probably drop 10 lbs if I really worked at it for a month or so, but I'm thinking 10 isn't gonna shut them up. I mean, I have every intention of watching what I eat (within reason) and continuing to be active (diabetes runs in my Mom's family as well, and I'm trying to keep it at bay as long as possible), but if you think the fact that I'm not a size 2 is just 'cause I'm not trying, you're a dumbass.

Hmm. I thought there was more but got lost in my own headspace there. Anyway, {{Bitches}}.

WRT being fat, I seem to have come to a place of what I'd almost call affection for my body, something I haven't felt since back when I weighed around 150 lb., which on my frame is skinny. It started on my recent pre-writing conference shopping spree, when I found clothes I honestly felt looked good on me the way I am now. That with the right bra and a shirt that's cut to flatter my build, I'm actually...sorta cute.

The next step was seeing my doctor for something else and getting into a discussion of various bad things in my family history--cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, etc.--and the fact that if we have another kid in the next year or two I'm worried I'll spend the entire pregnancy on bedrest, since I'm heavier now than I was when Annabel was born. I said I wanted to lose weight but never could seem to stick to a diet. We spent the next ten minutes troubleshooting why diets aren't working for me. At the end I said, "It's not a lack of knowledge. It's a combination of the fact I comfort-eat when under stress, which I generally am, and that going back on Weight Watchers or whatever turns eating into a part-time job, what with all the journaling and extra cooking and shopping. And I can't do that. I already have a full-time job to pay the bills, my writing amounts to a part-time job, and I'm trying to sorta maintain a life amid all that."

And my doctor said, "Look, your body is serving you well. Your bp is fine, and you're not yet showing any of the signs of repeating your family history. If you have to go on bedrest in your third trimester if you get pregnant again, well, you've done it before and came through fine. You might work on making healthier choices within the time and energy you have available now, but don't worry about dieting for now."

Which is the last thing I ever expected to hear from a doctor.

And just the other day I realized I've been eating stupidly for years now because I keep saying, "I'm going on a diet soon, like next week, so I'd better enjoy X now." Where X is potato chips, Dr Pepper with every meal, or whatever. And then I never go on the diet, or never stick with it beyond a few days, because, you know, I already have an unpaid part time job, and one that's a lot more fun than obsessively tracking every bite of food I eat! So I'm trying to make a mental adjustment from, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you must diet" to "How can I be kind to my body now?"

Susan, sounds like an excellent mindset/plan. And, compared to the horror stories I've heard, sounds like your Dr. should be canonized.

And just the other day I realized I've been eating stupidly for years now because I keep saying, "I'm going on a diet soon, like next week, so I'd better enjoy X now." Where X is potato chips, Dr Pepper with every meal, or whatever.

Ooh! I know that one. And you end up eating more, or eating things that are way over the top that wouldn't have even been appealing if you hadn't been pretending expecting to be on that diet next week.

Ooh! I know that one. And you end up eating more, or eating things that are way over the top that wouldn't have even been appealing if you hadn't been pretending expecting to be on that diet next week.

Or you finish the bag of chips/cookies/too big of a slice of cake/etc. because you have to get it out of the house before the diet starts!

So I'm trying to make a mental adjustment from, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you must diet" to "How can I be kind to my body now?"

It's wild, isn't it? Realizing that what your body wants is actually a vegetable and that by giving your body that vegetable you aren't On A Diet, or even Adhering To My "Eating Plan," but just -- eating what your body wants.

It's intuitive eating, and it's not always easy, since I've spent at least 25 of the past 37 years learning ways to NOT listen to my body. But when intuitive eating works, it's amazing, and I feel so healthy when I do it.

I'm not comfortable with the word "fat." I prefer overweight. One of the things that totally attracted me to DF is that, while she is (sexily) overweight, she never ever talked about body issues and she carried herself with such confidence that all you thought was, "Wow! This girl is hot and has incredibly spicy brains!" And I know I wasn't the only one who thought this, so it's not just the blinded by lust/love thing.

We've both gained weight over the years and could both stand to lose some, but I still find her incredibly adorable/hot and I'm pretty sure she thinks the same of me (though my own issues at this point are more about my face looking older than my weight - though I would like to be slimmer).