common things that are considered to be wrong

...like not knowing how to lace a corset?

common things that are considered to be wrong

...like not knowing how to lace a corset?

Bingo, pretty lady.

Ugh. 12 hour day. School starts Thursday. Utter (well, not utter) chaos.

Nora and Tom -- suck. Job hunting is such a horrid stressor.

Barb -- does it help that I totally name-dropped you just yesterday?! One of my ex-students emailed me, asking to critique some fiction she's done, and I was all YES blahblah-cakes Rule #1 of Writing: READ EVERYTHING, and blahblah, ooh, read BARB! I know her! (my ex-stu is so very much like your protag in ATMOL.) She's Mexicana, not Cubana, but it was nice to be able to rec an author who was writing stuff that would be a lot closer to the things she's interested in, and blahblahblah I have logorrhea tonight I am so tired shut me up CALLATE!)

ION, I am making jambalya with chorizo. Yum.

Oh! Two students at my new school are old students of mine! One of whom I love! I was so happy to see her -- she got booted from my old school cause she is kinda fighty, but SO much better than she used to be, and I got along great with her, no probs.

Most of my new students are African-American, which is cool, but I really lovedloved the almost 100% Latino (Mexican)pop. at my old school -- I just got along really well with almost all the kids, and it makes me so happy to see Latino students at my new school. I'm so used to seeing them as the majority culture, it's weird to see them as a minority here. I feel protective. Is that weird, since I am white as Wonder bread?

Kristin, enjoy diving. But, um, Cozumel has sharks. Tiny ones were all I ever saw, but they were there. Turns out you can totally have and get past a panic attack underwater which was good to know.

You mean, they don't tell you why they're not pleased? They just wave it off and mutter obscurely?

Oh yeah... that's kind of the worst part about it. Each revision, I got an email from my editor telling me that she loved the changes I'd made, but if I made a few more... and then, again, how much she loved the changes I made, how I'd done everything she'd asked for but it prompted some other changes she wanted to make, until finally, after the fourth revision, I received the "I love it! I totally love it!" email from her.

That was in May. In early July was when I first heard that the publisher, in other words, my editor's boss and She Who Has Final Say, wasn't crazy about it. She feels it's not in line with what they publish. That it's too commercial.

That it's too commercial.

Yeah, that'd suck if it sold a lot of copies.

She feels it's not in line with what they publish at Dial. That it's too commercial.

Oh, now that is a shite response. (A) Revisions as per instructions from editor, of whom it may be reasonably expected s/he knows the expectations of the company one is revising for, and (b) I may not be OMGPubishingQueen, but I know enough to realize that unless a company is a small and/or specialized press, sales come first, and then lurve of teh book. At least, speaking from a company view.

I mean, they are BUSINESSES. The product must sell, yes?

I think I know what they mean by too commercial-- not necessarily that it's commercial in the OMG, it's going to sell sort of way, but more it's not dark, literary type of story.

But for God's sake, a) the story is based around Carmen so there's a love triangle. Kind of has to be. At least my lead female isn't an amoral twat who has no feelings (although She Who Has Final Say says that my lead is unsympathetic, which I totally don't get) and b) they knew what they were getting from me, given that I had two books they could look at for reference and c) did I mention that they came to me? Yeah. That's right. They solicited me to write this book. Thought I'd do a great job of it because of my musical background and the fact that I came from a romance background.

Barb I totally get how you feel. Because what you have been subjected to accidentally is something that used to be used deliberately as a form of psychological torture. Well before your time, there was something called the McCarthy era when communists and lefties and liberals and people suspected of being the aforementioned were put on blacklists and denied work. And a lot of time they did not know for sure they were on such lists. So even when they suspected they were (and some of the more naive did not suspect) they did not know for sure. And almost always some part of them figured it was their fault. They just were not doing the job right, or they were not making a good impression in interviews. They were doing something wrong. Now you are not being targeted directly. But the process you describe is pretty obviously driven by corporate politics, and has nothing to do with the quality of your work. At worst you gave them what they asked for rather than what they wanted, failed to read minds. But most likely nothing you could have done would have satisfied, because there were conflicting requirements and everytime you met one it automatically contradicted another. And that totally feels like you did something wrong. Basically corporate infighting is doing to you the same thing that was deliberately inflicted to break people. I know that doesn't make it all better. But maybe that perspective can turn a tiny portion of the self-doubt into healthy rage.

Typo, I'm well familiar with the McCarthy-era blacklisting. (Big ol' history geek here.) but I will admit that I hadn't thought about it in this context.

Normally, I would've progressed on into rage without too much delay. I have a fairly decent ego and a healthy perspective about my talent and those who know me know I have a work ethic that even goes beyond ego and any talent I might possess because I have a firm belief in there's no such thing as "perfect" just improving.

But, again, as those who've known me for the last couple of years can tell you, it's been a very rough year for me with respect to publishing-- another manuscript, one of my adult manuscripts-- went through the submissions rounds and suffered the most ridiculous range of rejections one could even begin to imagine. Which... you put it on paper and lay it out like that, I know would make someone who's not familiar with the situation wonder, "Well, is she as good as she thinks she is?"

Honestly? Who knows anymore. But I can tell you that the rejections I received on Breathe all read something along the lines of "Wow, she can write, she can craft a story, but..." and thing is, the "but" was never the same from one rejection to the next, not only making it difficult for me to hone in on anything I could improve in the manuscript to make it more sellable, but highlighting just how freakin' subjective this industry is.

The one thing I've held onto throughout this whole wretched process was that I had this young adult novel that my editor loved, that was a story I loved, that was proof I was doing something right.

And now this.

I'm trying to keep things in perspective. I really am. But right now, curling up and pulling the covers over my head is sounding really freakin' good.

Sorry about the < mememe>-ness of this all guys. I'll try to shut up now.