Brenda M.

Ooh. Recipe?

1.5 cup plain cous-cous set aside. Buy them bulk, not at absurd prices in boxes.

OK So 1 can garbanzo beans. Drain, reserve liquid.

1 green pepper, 1 red pepper, 2 medium onions all chopped fine with 1 teaspoon of curry power. Cook with 1 teaspoon of olive oil, and enough of the liquid from garbanzo beans to not to burn. When cooked, add rest of liquid from garbanzo beans, 1 tablespoon of curry powder, 1/4 cup frozen green peas, 1 teaspoon cardoman, generous amount of garlic, 3 bouillion cubes (use veggie boullion to make vegan) 1 tablespoon honey and enough water to bring liquid to three cups. Bring to boil. Add garbanzo beans, 1/3rd cup raisins, and 2/3rds cup of cashews and almonds combined (mixed in whatever ratio you prefer). Bring to new boil,and boil two minutes. Stir in couscous throughly, cover. leave flame on another 30 seconds then turn off. Let sit 7 minutes. Stir throughly. Allow to cool, then refrigerate overnight for full flavor. Serve cold, or reheat before serving if you prefer.

Well... talk about hitting earth with a thud. Looks like my publisher is not exactly pleased with the manuscript for So She Dances. Never mind that I did four revisions for my editor. But because my editor was a baby editor, she had another editor supervising her. And both editors had a hand in all four revisions. And they loved the end product. I have the emails and they both said so to my face.

Four revisions before they'd even consider sending it to the publisher.

Oh, and did I mention this process has taken fifteen months so far?

It was disheartening when I heard that the publisher was concerned about the manuscript-- enough to push it off the '09 list altogether.

So I wasn't all that surprised when Agent Kate called today warning me that the likelihood that they'll be canceling the contract altogether is almost a certainty.

You know, every time something like this happens, every tells me, "Maybe it's for the best."

But you know, it's happened enough now that I find myself wondering, when does the 'best' part finally start happening? When does Lucy quit pulling that fucking football out from in front of me?

Oh, hon. It's really hard -- really, really, go get yourself a stiff fucking drink hard. And then when that wears off, remember that you were just as frustrated when you were under contract and unable to sell things you wanted to work on until you'd finished your obligations to Dial.

(First, though? Stiff drink.)

(And no, I can't really quantify "just as frustrated" -- just that you've wanted out of it too. And no, it's not for the best in any Pollyanna way. It sucks a lot. But you're going to pick up and kick all their asses after this if anyone does.)

Oh, babe. I'm so sorry. It sounds a little like Baby Editor got told to run with something she wasn't entirely trusted to handle, in the end. You never know what kind of office politics are behind stuff like this, either.

::hugs Barb hard::

Nora, I forgot to mention how sorry I was to hear about Tom. Man, grownup life really sucks hard so much of the time. I hope he finds something quickly.

{{{Barb}}} That just sucks. I'm outraged on your behalf, and a little bit on mine, because I want to read that book!

Seconding the recommendation of a stiff drink....

{{{{{Barb}}}}} I'm so sorry.

Thanks guys-- I just veer wildly between being relieved because yes, I was frustrated, mostly because more than anything, I hate limbo. Tell me you want it or don't, but tell me something, dammit.

But at the same time, I feel like such a fucking failure.

NOT a failure. I would bet lots and lots of good money that this has nothing to do with the manuscript at all.

Probably not, Amy, but I'll never really know that for sure. And that insecurity will live with me for a while. I mean, empirically, I know it's a good manuscript-- it's a good story and I gave it everything I've got.

But right now, the manuscript is the fall guy for everything else and I just... right now, I'm tired of kicking at the football. (To keep going with the Charlie Brown references.)

Oh, Barb. What a kick to the stomach.

NOT a failure, or anywhere close.

Wish you were still here so we could drown your temporary (and yes, it's temporary because wild success WILL be yours, dammit) sorrow and frustration in mojitos at Annabel's.