I definitely think you should fuck with him. Tell him that Rosh Hashanah involves lots of champagne and noisemakers and kissing random strangers at midnight, with a big glittery hamantasche-dreidel-matzoh that drops down from the sky. But they don't show it on TV like the goyische New Years because it's easier to keep the conspiracy going if we let the goyim go on thinking that they came up with the whole Times Square thing.

Hee. A few years ago, about a week before Rosh Hashanah, one of my classmates, who's Japanese, asked me what Rosh Hashanah was. I said it was the Jewish new year. He responded, "So that means your Christmas is, like, now?"

I came back from the middle of the night bathroom visit--yay, middle age--

I get up to pee at least once a night, and I have for my entire night. I think I just have a bladder with a short-term attention span.

I think I just have a bladder with a short-term attention span.

Easily bored?

It's gotten to the point where Hubby will wake and need to get up, and he waits because he knows at that particular hour I'll be up within about 5 minutes so he won't wake me. One night I didn't get up for a while, and when I did he said, "Oh, thank god, I've been waiting for you to get up."

There's a lot of things in a marriage that no one thinks to tell you about.

My brother has a coworker sorta like that. Mom says the guy is actually really polite and is trying hard to be friendly (she met him,) but is absolutely culturally and socially clueless. (He's very new to this country, and apparently had a very sheltered upbringing even by his native standards.) He comes out with all sorts of -ist statements that just leave people gaping at him, especially since he says shit with no air of malice. My brother, being the ass he can be, will egg him on to get more insane comments from him. Bro's bench partner will call him on it (especially the sexist stuff) and the guy is totally befuddled by the fact he's being insulting. It's bizarre.

I'm thinking of everything I have to get done tomorrow and want to cry. I'm actually hoping something won't get fixed so as to buy me time. Uhg.

Update up on the spice rub and sausage whacking story of a few days ago:

Man suspected of sausage and spice attack set free

September 11th, 2008 @ 5:36pm

SANGER, Calif. (AP) - A man suspected of breaking into the home of two California farmworkers, rubbing spices into the face of one man and smacking another with an 8-inch sausage has been set free.

Prosecutors say they do not have enough evidence to file criminal charges against 21-year-old Antonio Vasquez. He was released from Fresno County Jail on Tuesday.

Sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says Vasquez was found hiding in a field wearing only a T-shirt, boxers and socks after the Saturday morning attack. Vasquez is also accused of stealing $900 from the home.

There is no listed phone number for Vasquez.

As one commenter said, imagine being the dispatcher who got that call: "Help! Police! We've been spiced!"

This afternoon, he asked me if I knew any good Jewish jokes, because Jewish humor is usually the best.

And this dude grew up in non-rural California and went to USC?

::is boggled::

Given that I grew up in Miami and the Hub, AKA the Nice Jewish Boy I married, grew up in Pensacola, we joke that I do Jewish better than he does.

When he asked me if I knew any jokes, I said I couldn't think of anything offhand. Then he told me a joke about sheep-fucking. I responded with a joke about anal sex. (A joke I first heard from billytea, btw.) That seemed to shock him into silence for a little while. (One good thing about being little and cute -- you can get people shocked into silence pretty easily. It's kind of fun.) Then he told me a joke about dog-fucking. I pointed out that he seemed to have kind of a pattern going.

Ok, I'm finding this hilarious.

Jews run the comedy industry, it's true.

Huh. After the Dawson's Creek eps (ouch--I watched three--emo Pacey got me) is 15 minutes of music video. I feel all hip and stuff.

Really effectively covering wounds is tough work.

Well, he doesn't want me interviewing until the stitches are out (done) and the swelling is down (in process) and I get that. It's kinda distracting.

Ok, I'm finding this hilarious.

The one you told at Kristin's party a few years ago. "The other way."

The one you told at Kristin's party a few years ago. "The other way."

Oh yes, I was pretty sure that was the one. (Being the black sheep of my family, I have a fairly limited repertoire of anal sex jokes.)