Update up on the spice rub and sausage whacking story of a few days ago:

Man suspected of sausage and spice attack set free

September 11th, 2008 @ 5:36pm

SANGER, Calif. (AP) - A man suspected of breaking into the home of two California farmworkers, rubbing spices into the face of one man and smacking another with an 8-inch sausage has been set free.

Prosecutors say they do not have enough evidence to file criminal charges against 21-year-old Antonio Vasquez. He was released from Fresno County Jail on Tuesday.

Sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says Vasquez was found hiding in a field wearing only a T-shirt, boxers and socks after the Saturday morning attack. Vasquez is also accused of stealing $900 from the home.

There is no listed phone number for Vasquez.

As one commenter said, imagine being the dispatcher who got that call: "Help! Police! We've been spiced!"

This afternoon, he asked me if I knew any good Jewish jokes, because Jewish humor is usually the best.

And this dude grew up in non-rural California and went to USC?

::is boggled::

Given that I grew up in Miami and the Hub, AKA the Nice Jewish Boy I married, grew up in Pensacola, we joke that I do Jewish better than he does.

When he asked me if I knew any jokes, I said I couldn't think of anything offhand. Then he told me a joke about sheep-fucking. I responded with a joke about anal sex. (A joke I first heard from billytea, btw.) That seemed to shock him into silence for a little while. (One good thing about being little and cute -- you can get people shocked into silence pretty easily. It's kind of fun.) Then he told me a joke about dog-fucking. I pointed out that he seemed to have kind of a pattern going.

Ok, I'm finding this hilarious.

Jews run the comedy industry, it's true.

Huh. After the Dawson's Creek eps (ouch--I watched three--emo Pacey got me) is 15 minutes of music video. I feel all hip and stuff.

Really effectively covering wounds is tough work.

Well, he doesn't want me interviewing until the stitches are out (done) and the swelling is down (in process) and I get that. It's kinda distracting.

Ok, I'm finding this hilarious.

The one you told at Kristin's party a few years ago. "The other way."

The one you told at Kristin's party a few years ago. "The other way."

Oh yes, I was pretty sure that was the one. (Being the black sheep of my family, I have a fairly limited repertoire of anal sex jokes.)

grew up in Pensacola

Barb, I lived in Pensacola for 7 years.

Being Jewish in Pensacola must have had it's problems for yor hub at times. It's not exactly known for its Jewish community.

I thought P'cola was the end of the world until I moved here. Also thought I'd never miss the place; however, it did have it's charm at times.

"The other way" is pretty classic.

and the swelling is down (in process) and I get that. It's kinda distracting.

Makes sense.

How long does swelling take? I am used to a lot of bruising from being clumsy as hell, and some minorish cuts. But I have a cut on my lip that is still swollen and I'd like to think it's going to go away soon.

There's a small town in Alabama with a rapidly shrinking Jewish community (happening in a lot of small towns in the south -- the younger people are mostly moving out to the cities) where the synagogue is offering grants of up to $50,000 to Jewish families who'll agree to move there for at least five years. The grants are split into specific amounts to cover moving expenses, synagogue membership, private school tuition for kids, and small business loans. It's an interesting idea -- New Orleans is doing something similar, since a lot of the Jewish population left after Katrina, and the synagogues are kind of struggling to stay solvent -- but it's different in a small town than in a city.

Being Jewish in Pensacola must have had it's problems for yor hub at times. It's not exactly known for its Jewish community.

Actually, Pensacola has one of the oldest Jewish communities in the south, with his family having been there since 1876 and was very integrated into the business, political, and social life of the city. Add to that the fact that his immediate family was very Reform, it wasn't a huge issue.

But yeah, Pensacola has got some definite armpit of the universe aspects to it. Right now, I'm not feeling too kindly towards Jacksonville either and if it wasn't for the fact that we've only been in this house for a year and I'd hate to uproot the kids after we've only really gotten them settled, I'd SO be looking for somewhere else to live.