Wow, that article just punched me in the gut. I have class issues all the time. I'm the first person in my family to graduate college. My parents were the first to own their own home. My grandmother and grandfather on my dad's side were were raised by people who had starved. My mother grew up in poverty.

I'm the only one in my family to sort of transcend the class thing by getting a book published and having casual conversations with nobel laureates and people who have emmys on their mantels.

There's a straddling disconnect, and it is awfully weird. I never shared with them that I was writing a book until I had an agent and it just about sold, because I just couldn't find a way to explain it to them. Even when i did, my mother immediately became suspicious and wondered how much I was paying "this woman" to sell something I wrote, because obviously, I was being taken.

ION, I have to have a meeting with my boss on Monday about the future of my job, which is bleak. I go from very calm, to angry, to sad in five minute cycles.

Tim said there's no way this situation isn't going to be traumatic, but it isn't tragic, and yes, I will panic about money. And yes, I will yell and cry for days about it. But in the end, he says, I can find another job quickly and I won't be homeless or starving. Maybe uncomfortable. But I'll work it out. And then he said my children's book is made of gold, and this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm still scared, my hands are still shaking. And I'm hoping that after this meeting I will still have a job through the holiday season, because it's going to be impossible to find one in mid-October, when this symposium is over.

That's what I have to work out. If I left now, I could find a job much easier than I could if I left after the symposium. But I'm committed to the symposium, it's nine weeks away.

I'm just really scared, you guys.

That's what I have to work out. If I left now, I could find a job much easier than I could if I left after the symposium. But I'm committed to the symposium, it's nine weeks away.

...if they're trying to screw you over, why should you care? Do what's best for you.

Seriously.

Look for a job now. If you get offered something, it might have taken a few weeks and you could maybe set the start date for after the symposium.

But you have worked there for many years, and if they are being assholes to you now for no good reason, there is no good reason for you to handicap yourself in finding a job out of some misplaced loyalty.

IJS.

I think it's completely normal and expected to be scared in this situation, Allyson! If anything, you should be complimented on how well you're holding up, seriously.

I'd start looking now, Allyson. Yes, it would be great for them to have you around through the symposium. But it would be great for you to still be employed. Your needs totally trump theirs right now.

I'm sorry I brought up issues for you, Allyson- I actually have the similar ones (also the first person to graduate from college etc, etc, although I wasn't ever personally starving).

Also, you just made a lightbulb go off over my head about a) why I never share something potentially good with my mom until it is over and done with and b) my mom's theory that everyone is out to take me/her.

I wish you well on the job front- I can't imagine being given no direction at all in planning a symposium if I had never planned one before, and I think we have similar jobs. The other thing to think about is (and I would have trouble doing it, but..) don't worry about staying for the symposium. I guarantee you your boss wouldn't if they needed to leave. I have this (probably from being working class) issue where if I commit to something, I always see it through, even if it kills me. And sometimes that serves me well, and it certainly makes me not just give up on something. But on the other hand, sometimes it just means I screw myself over bigtime.

You are such a strong, wonderful, intelligent person that I cannot imagine someone not wanting to hire you to either write for them, or take care/wragle them. Maybe you could wrangle famous people/bands/actors/etc? I bet you would be great at that.

Allyson, I want you to have a job that uses your intelligence, your organizational skills, your ability to pull people together for a cause, your writing skills and your wit.

One of the companies I worked for used to have a summer program for bright students who had grown up in poverty. They had jobs for the summer, like being receptionists and general intern-like things, but they also had instruction every day in how to dress, why it's important to be on time, how to talk to your boss and so on. They added that part to the program when they realized that these kids had no role models for how to behave in the business world.

I have this (probably from being working class) issue where if I commit to something, I always see it through, even if it kills me.

I've always had this as well-- I'm incredibly disciplined and hard on myself, but I found myself in a situation (not work related, but definitely career related) where I was heading up an organization that did not want to be headed up. At least, not in any logical sort of manner. I hadn't wanted the position, but it had been given to me and I was committed to doing the best job possible.

But again, no one wanted to be reasonable and there were personalities involved who were intimidating and frankly, bullies, even if it was a bit of a false front, because their power was really, for the most part, imagined. But people were scared of them and wouldn't challenge them. I was one of the few who would and all it got me was grief and really, for a volunteer position? So not worth it.

And when it finally got to be too much, I sat down and weighed the pros of staying out the rest of my term (3 months) or just walking and leaving them to figure it out. What it came down to was that this position was doing nothing for me professionally and was costing my valuable writing time and nothing was worth that. Not when I was still trying to sell. So for the first time in my life, I walked and oh my God, the sense of relief I felt.

And not a moment's regret.

Not that I equate the situation to walking away from a paying job, of course, but I think because it was tied into my career, I wrestled with my inherent sense of responsibility and loyalty. Thing is, none of those people were ever going to be loyal to me and I knew it. Sometimes, sticking it out is worth it and sometimes, it's definitely not.

Wow-- sorry. Didn't mean to rant. But can you tell I have strong feelings on this?

It's not really "they," it's just my boss. Who is also my mentor, and weirdly, family. I have worked with him, 40 hours a week, for seven years. I genuinely love the guy. When I was so sick I was only at 60% power, he took care to say that I had a job, it would be there, and I should concentrate on getting well. But for the last couple of months, it's been a nightmare. I'm getting better at the stuff I do at my job, I'm starting to learn about intellectual property and filed my first patents on Friday, and I've been ramping up on editing and PR. Even snagged my boss an interview with a physics magazine a couple of weeks ago.

But seriously, he's been...seething at me for being disorganized (which is fair, I have a lot on my plate, and should have shifted some things off of it to care for the symposium) but yelling at me in front of clients, that's an example of how bad it his gotten.

It's really complex, and my feelings about it are really complex. We just aren't working well together anymore. When I started with him I was 28, and I'm 35 now. I'm a completely different person, and so is he. It's hard ending a relationship with someone I care about, and it's made way more complex by the fact that it's how I pay my rent.

That's what I have to work out. If I left now, I could find a job much easier than I could if I left after the symposium. But I'm committed to the symposium, it's nine weeks away.

I know you're big on commitment and on keeping your word, Allyson, but you have to do what's best for you. One thing I've learned from working in a big monolithic organization is that you have to take care of yourself, because noone else is doing it for you. It can't hurt to at least look now, and see what comes of your search. And if you find something that requires leaving before the symposium, hey, your boss will manage.

Allyson, you need to think of yourself first in this situation. Regardless of how committed you are to the symposium and your complex relationship with your boss. In the end, it's still a job. And if it's making you miserable, you need to changer--when it's best for you--NOT them.

If waiting to job hunt after the symposium will hurt your chances, I say start the search right away. If your boss wants to keep you, but has issues with some of your performance, then he needs to help you figure out how to get those issues under control (besides being a micromanaging, hypercritical twit).

You don't owe your job anymore than working there. They pay you, sure, but you do WORK for that. Don't let the puritan work ethic cause you more problems than it's worth.