I have this (probably from being working class) issue where if I commit to something, I always see it through, even if it kills me.

I've always had this as well-- I'm incredibly disciplined and hard on myself, but I found myself in a situation (not work related, but definitely career related) where I was heading up an organization that did not want to be headed up. At least, not in any logical sort of manner. I hadn't wanted the position, but it had been given to me and I was committed to doing the best job possible.

But again, no one wanted to be reasonable and there were personalities involved who were intimidating and frankly, bullies, even if it was a bit of a false front, because their power was really, for the most part, imagined. But people were scared of them and wouldn't challenge them. I was one of the few who would and all it got me was grief and really, for a volunteer position? So not worth it.

And when it finally got to be too much, I sat down and weighed the pros of staying out the rest of my term (3 months) or just walking and leaving them to figure it out. What it came down to was that this position was doing nothing for me professionally and was costing my valuable writing time and nothing was worth that. Not when I was still trying to sell. So for the first time in my life, I walked and oh my God, the sense of relief I felt.

And not a moment's regret.

Not that I equate the situation to walking away from a paying job, of course, but I think because it was tied into my career, I wrestled with my inherent sense of responsibility and loyalty. Thing is, none of those people were ever going to be loyal to me and I knew it. Sometimes, sticking it out is worth it and sometimes, it's definitely not.

Wow-- sorry. Didn't mean to rant. But can you tell I have strong feelings on this?

It's not really "they," it's just my boss. Who is also my mentor, and weirdly, family. I have worked with him, 40 hours a week, for seven years. I genuinely love the guy. When I was so sick I was only at 60% power, he took care to say that I had a job, it would be there, and I should concentrate on getting well. But for the last couple of months, it's been a nightmare. I'm getting better at the stuff I do at my job, I'm starting to learn about intellectual property and filed my first patents on Friday, and I've been ramping up on editing and PR. Even snagged my boss an interview with a physics magazine a couple of weeks ago.

But seriously, he's been...seething at me for being disorganized (which is fair, I have a lot on my plate, and should have shifted some things off of it to care for the symposium) but yelling at me in front of clients, that's an example of how bad it his gotten.

It's really complex, and my feelings about it are really complex. We just aren't working well together anymore. When I started with him I was 28, and I'm 35 now. I'm a completely different person, and so is he. It's hard ending a relationship with someone I care about, and it's made way more complex by the fact that it's how I pay my rent.

That's what I have to work out. If I left now, I could find a job much easier than I could if I left after the symposium. But I'm committed to the symposium, it's nine weeks away.

I know you're big on commitment and on keeping your word, Allyson, but you have to do what's best for you. One thing I've learned from working in a big monolithic organization is that you have to take care of yourself, because noone else is doing it for you. It can't hurt to at least look now, and see what comes of your search. And if you find something that requires leaving before the symposium, hey, your boss will manage.

Allyson, you need to think of yourself first in this situation. Regardless of how committed you are to the symposium and your complex relationship with your boss. In the end, it's still a job. And if it's making you miserable, you need to changer--when it's best for you--NOT them.

If waiting to job hunt after the symposium will hurt your chances, I say start the search right away. If your boss wants to keep you, but has issues with some of your performance, then he needs to help you figure out how to get those issues under control (besides being a micromanaging, hypercritical twit).

You don't owe your job anymore than working there. They pay you, sure, but you do WORK for that. Don't let the puritan work ethic cause you more problems than it's worth.

I know you're big on commitment and on keeping your word, Allyson, but you have to do what's best for you. One thing I've learned from working in a big monolithic organization is that you have to take care of yourself, because noone else is doing it for you. It can't hurt to at least look now, and see what comes of your search. And if you find something that requires leaving before the symposium, hey, your boss will manage.

This, totally.

(Also, why shouldn't I hang pictures up high? What qualifies as "high"?)

I'm baffled by the picture-hanging thing too.

(Also, why shouldn't I hang pictures up high? What qualifies as "high"?)

I think it's the idea of hanging pictures not at eyelevel, but right at the top of the wall. I see it all the time, especially in old people's homes.

Also Allyson, a good boss will support you if you need a change, no matter how much it inconveniences them.

(Also, why shouldn't I hang pictures up high? What qualifies as "high"?)

I am very curious about this (obviously or I wouldn't have posted) and google gives me no love. I read that article, and a couple of articles from educators who think the persons methods are classist (which they probably are)-- but anyone who spends time with people outside of their class (as I often do, being that my school caters to upper middle class people) there are certainly ways of thinking ingrained in you by your class that you sometimes don't even question or think that other people think differently. One thing that makes me laugh about myself, but also sort of makes me cringe in embarrassment was that as a young person, I had no idea that there were cosmetics or perfumes that weren't "drugstore" brands. I honestly thought that the epitome of being wealthy would be if you bought L'Oreal rather than Wet n Wild.

then he said my children's book is made of gold, and this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

OK, that's what I saw, at first, from the whole post, because yay.

And in more to-the-point mode:

he's been...seething at me for being disorganized (which is fair, I have a lot on my plate, and should have shifted some things off of it to care for the symposium) but yelling at me in front of clients, that's an example of how bad it his gotten.

I have no idea what kind of person he is, but - is he interested at all in trying to help you do your job better, for what may obviously be best for him, as well? Do you have a person to work *with* on all the stuff that's on your plate (and, goodness, arranging a symposium is so much work!).

Does he realize you get to do things for the very first time, and therefore you have to learn as you go? Will it make a difference if he realizes that?

And, yeah - telling at you (at all, let alone in front of clients) is not a good relationship for either of you. If this isn't working, then there's no use in pushing through just for the sake of pushing through, while you (you know what? the both of you, not just personally you) don't manage to get what you want and need from this job situation.

Sigh. I'm not sure I'm phrasing myself properly. It's after 2am, and there's no graph to attach to these words to reference.

[Edit: I knew I'd forget something: good luck on the meeting Monday. I hope - and believe, and yeah, it's easy from afar, but still - that the result will be good for you, whichever way it may turn. Also, I hope the rest of your Sunday will be as peaceful and relaxed as possible.]

One thing that makes me laugh about myself, but also sort of makes me cringe in embarrassment was that as a young person, I had no idea that there were cosmetics or perfumes that weren't "drugstore" brands. I honestly thought that the epitome of being wealthy would be if you bought L'Oreal rather than Wet n Wild.

Yeah, that one baffled me too. Or, I remember once in university talking to a girl about making homemade spaghetti sauce, and she was like, "Oh I love making that junky pasta sauce, with canned tomatoes."

A)It never occurred to me to make sauce with real tomatoes because they were so expensive, B)Growing up, all our pasta sauce came from a jar, so this was a big step up.

I hung out with some wealthy kids in my first couple of years of university. I once stayed with friend's family's in Toronto. They weren't terribly rich, but def. upper class WASPs. They decided as a treat to take me to their "club" for lunch. It wasn't so bad, but I had to change to go for lunch, because ladies weren't admitted in pants or shorts. I was totally baffled and terrified. And I grew up in a world without thank you cards and hostess gifts, so I was totally ignorant of those things in university. They must have thought I was terribly rude, but I just didn't know.