Giving Mickey virtual skritches to distract him from licking his belly.

Speaking of cats exposing their bellies, I love this video! It's so Al Bundyesque.

Hivemind query:

As those of you who read Bitches know, DH and I are about to come into a largish inheritance, all in the form of a single stock. Unless you count what's in my 403(b) plan, I've never owned stock before. And I don't count it--I picked out my funds when I got my first professional staff job at UW (union jobs have a pension fund) and do nothing more than glance at my quarterly statements.

So. It's my first stock. We just opened our first brokerage account in order to receive the transfer, which is apparently going to happen on Tuesday. FINALLY.

Really, now that I think of it, it's my first inheritance. My mom inherited everything from my dad, obviously, and none of my grandparents really left anything more than houses and land, back when those weren't worth so very much, so I haven't even seen my parents deal with an inheritance.

And I don't understand any of this stuff. Which makes me feel stupid and ignorant and embarrassed to ask questions, because someone with a frickin' B.S. in Economics from the frickin' Wharton School should understand money, and I don't. I skipped my finance and accounting classes and took my gentleman's B's, and even my econ, which I liked all right, is rusty. Marketing, which I actually enjoyed, is irrelevant here.

So. I've been floundering along in my ignorance, and have caused myself all kinds of angst by false assumptions. Like, I stupidly thought that if you told your broker to sell a stock, the stock-to-cash transfer would be not instantaneous, but pretty damn fast. Like, if we sold 1000 shares next Tuesday, I'd have cash in our accounts to pay off our debts by Friday. Turns out it can be up to two weeks. Who knew? Not me, that's for sure. And I still don't understand why it takes so long.

I need some kind of guidance on this. I tried to ask our broker, but he immediately went into questions about my investment philosophy and so on. Which is fine, and I can even talk about it with reasonable intelligence, because that's half money management, half macroeconomics--topics I understand. But I feel like someone who's just started a new job, and my boss is talking about the philosophy of the organization while I just want to know where to find the bathrooms and the cafeteria and how to get my email account set up.

Any suggestions for where to go with stupid, basic questions about how to be a stockholder and how to understand estate issues (such as why the two quarters' worth of dividends on our stock since DH's relative died have to go through probate--until TODAY both of us thought we'd have that bit of cash right away, but now apparently it could be anywhere from 3 months to a year...sigh)?

Like, if we sold 1000 shares next Tuesday, I'd have cash in our accounts to pay off our debts by Friday. Turns out it can be up to two weeks. Who knew? Not me, that's for sure. And I still don't understand why it takes so long.

That sounds like bank bullshit -- like how they don't clear deposited checks for weeks now if they don't feel like it. It should be fast.

This may be more basic and less nuts and bolts than you're looking for, but a lot of banks have general education type sites: [link]

But really, it sounds like these are things you should make your broker answer.

There are also books like this one [link] that may or may not be what you're looking for, but browsing that section of a bookstore or library might be a good place to start as well.

But don't let him divert you into a discussion of philosphy. Ask him to send you a written (Or emailed) statement as to when you can get your money and why it is taking so long. And if you have anything left over for investment after dept paying, deferred purchases and such you may want to consider a different broker who does not evade questions.

Brenda, I'm sorry about the puppy woes. Fast-healing~ma to her.

Well, I don't think he realized he was evading questions. He just interpreted my "How does all this work?" question differently than I meant it, and I was too embarrassed to ask because it made me feel stupid.

Really, I guess I should rehearse a speech along the lines of, "I didn't grow up doing this, because my family just didn't have that kind of money, and in my adult life up to now I haven't had the resources to invest outside of employer plans. So I need the nuts-and-bolts--how to sell, how long various transactions take to clear, how to access account information online, etc."

ETA thanks for the links, Jesse! That gives me a good place to start.

Susan, the turnaround time on the stock doesn't sound quite right to me. It should only take a few days, not up to two weeks, unless the bank has some screwy policy.

I tried to ask our broker, but he immediately went into questions about my investment philosophy and so on. Which is fine, and I can even talk about it with reasonable intelligence, because that's half money management, half macroeconomics--topics I understand. But I feel like someone who's just started a new job, and my boss is talking about the philosophy of the organization while I just want to know where to find the bathrooms and the cafeteria and how to get my email account set up.

This does not surprise me. The SEC has been leaning on the idea that brokers need to exercise shitloads of due diligence when it comes to making sure that their clients understand the investments they are making and why. He's probably made some note in his file that he discussed investment philosophy with you so his ass is covered in case you should ever come back with a complaint about him steering you in the wrong direction or some such.

Oh great. Guess where my dad is headed in three weeks? [link]

Susan, the turnaround time on the stock doesn't sound quite right to me. It should only take a few days, not up to two weeks, unless the bank has some screwy policy.

Well, he said a few days to a week was more typical, just that it could sometimes take longer to close or settle or something like that.