Yeah. OTOH, I remember my mom explaining that she nearly left my dad (lo these nearly 40 years ago) when he was supposed to be writing his dissertation (while she brought home the bucks as a teacher), and he...never finished it. They are still married. But he never got his PhD. And I'd definitely say that changed his career path.

Though they ARE still married. And she DID manage not to kill him. I'm not sure HOW...[Edit: OK, I think he had some kind of excuse about how he was writing his dissertation about the economy of Chile, and CONVENIENTLY there was a military coup? Tcha, whatever]

megan's right, it's not a simple thing to finish but it can be done, and yeah meara's right too in that sometimes it doesn't. I'm guessing in this case, with the shiny new job waiting at the end, it WILL get done.

But yeah, I can feel for both flea and mr. flea in this scenario.

So, the LOVELY mortgage banker says that even if they cannot issue a mortgage (which she still hopes they can and is looking to see what they did when this came up before, which it has), they can probably work out some kind of temporary loan to get our house bought, and switch to a mortgage when he is officially done and officially qualified for the job.

I'm not worried about his committee or him passing, in the end. (And it's been six years, and it's an engineering PhD, not humanities, so I feel like we are well beyond the range of normal slowness here. And I've been ABD, so I have the understanding of how hard it can be.) But I knew that if he didn't get it done by the end of the semester, even scheduling the defense would be a huge hassle (and it has been). I just didn't realize it could jeopardize the mortgage at this point. I mean, couldn't there be SOMETHING this PhD hasn't fucked up in our lives?

I can certainly feel for mr. flea, since I never finished my dissertation.

What? you never heard of wimmin? or grrrl for that matter?

But it's not Society (aka The Man) wanting us to use those words!

Yes, I am furious that your inability to finish your dissertation before the end of the spring semester is now jeopardizing our ability to get a mortgage.

Flea - from the other side (six years chem phd, with a 3-year post-doc)... it will work out. they will likely hold the job for him. everyone knows that dissertations suck. Even if you and I are bald from pulling our hair out on the other side, and our feet can kick no more ass. It will end. I say this to you now and I will keep saying it for as long as it takes because someone did that for me.

... just don't ask how long it took to publish his thesis after he graduated.

Oh god, flea. I feel you. You can't force them to do the only goddamned thing they need to get done, and yet when they don't do it, it affects SO MUCH MORE than just them.

Um, a dissertation is not just a small or simple thing to get done.

I didn't say that it is, or that I think it is, and I apologize if I even implied it.

When I said "the only goddamned thing they need to get done," by "thing," I didn't mean *only* PhD dissertations, nor when I said "they" was I even speaking solely about people whose PhD dissertation is taking longer to complete than anticipated.

I was trying (very poorly, it seems) to be sympathetic by using the only comparator I have available, by speaking in a general sense of loving someone who is slower than anticipated at accomplishing any given task, be it folding laundry or completing a PhD dissertation, and how that slowness -- of whatever task it might be -- can fuck with the lives of those around them.

There is a reason it takes most people years.

I understand this, and, although I wasn't pooh-poohing the amount of work and time necessary to complete and defend a PhD dissertation, I apologize if it seemed like I was.

Flea, that sounds confoundingly frustrating. Here's to hoping that you encounter as many understanding people along the way as possible to make things go simply. Hell, to make them go, period.

Doctor's appt ate most of the morning. Upshot is I had flared into quite the migraine by the time I got to see him, and I got to try new meds then and there. Not sure to how much success, though. He finally prescribed me new rescue meds but they a) aren't covered by my insurance and b) don't come in the dosage he specified.

This better not put me in the ER tonight.

Sorry if I seemed to overreact Steph, this is just a very sensitive issue for me.

I seriously considering abandoning my program and I can't tell the number of times I heard "But you only have the dissertation left!" It was an agonizing couple of years when I was really trying to finish up and just couldn't. There's a reason I sent out birth announcements after my defense. Cause it felt like the longest labor ever.

That's not to say that I wouldn't be completely pissed off if I were in flea's shoes, but it sounds like it might work out, so that's good.

And, Steph, thank you for being so quick to apologize. I really appreciate it.

Ahhh, Mr. Flea. I am sympathetic, truly. If there's anything I learned on the book it's that Finishing Is Hard. Really, really hard. But you are definitely pushing the outer limits of patience here. You must screw your diligence to the sticking point and push past that tightening in your chest, and the itching in your brain and get 'er done. It's grinding time. Grind it coarse and grind it fine and pile it high and deep.