Steph - that is evil, evil, evil. Benchmarks are certainly in order. at the very least. It sounds like really bizarre controlling behavior.

That said - zOMG... my bad at work turned out to be a lot of people's bad. controlling behavior ++. She has all the key words and you can stare at what she writes and it _looks_ fine, until you try to act on it - and then you realize it's just smoke and mirrors. But no one was talking about it. Which sounds a lot like mean!boss.

(((((Teppy))))) Damn, you really do work for asshats. I'm so sorry, and I'm glad you have the Boy there to say the right thing.

Oh, Teppy. That is such a WORLD of not right. And I'm boggled that they can even legally do that out of the blue, with no preliminary meetings or written-up benchmarks and expectations and, oh, you know, stuff that reasonable grown-up humans do (and I will not be at all surprised if some representative of the HR or legal subset of the hivemind pops up to say, "Ah, no, not legally, not so much").

What a pack of actively evil douchebags and passive spineless shitheels. What a fuck of a thing to do to a decade-plus-long employee heading into a holiday weekend.

And I think I love Tim even more for this than I did when he doodled faces on the eggs in your fridge, and possibly just about as much as when he stood up for you against the douchebag in charge of that ridiculous fetish community newsletter committee. He loves you and he has your back, always. Love him.

Ahhh, fuck fuck fuck. I hate them for all the stupid and petty and irritating things they've done over the past years, and for the shitty thing they did today, making you feel so demoralized and losery and sending you into such a tailspin. High time and more to start looking for something new (but no Craigslist links from me -- you've got a loving partner who's settled in and rooted in the community, a house, and a neighborhood you really feel at home in; I'd love to sling Bay Area listings at you, but it sort of feels like maybe you belong where you are; just in a different goddamn job).

Yeah, bosses are beyond douchebags. And you know what, when you get a new job and give your notice, you might have that notice drafted by a lawyer with a reminder about libel and slander laws. That should keep them careful about bad references, because employers are cautious about these things in any case.

Tep, they're not the bags, they're used Summer's Eve drippings.

MeanSOB appears to be attempting to undermine you. Please look up all employment law that you can. Understand that cutting back to 1-2 weeks of vacation for a couple years (usually, as I recall, people get more time the longer they're with a place) may well be a small price to pay for your sanity. Start sending out feelers for freelance gigs where you can WAH, maybe. I mean, heck, you know enough people on the Interpipes that SOMEONE'S gotta know something.

Steph, because I end up reading the board in great swaths - your office environment always sounds sort of fishy. Like they do as much as they can to sidle-up-to but maybe not cross (or sometimes do cross) the lines of legality and take liberties where they can when it suits them. At the very least, it's damn dysfunctional. Ask for clearly written benchmarks with firm dates for re-evaluation. It's good that the Boss' daughter is in your corner.

As far as negotiating salary/vacation, the one thing you need to remember is that any other company would be GLAD to have you. You're not incompetent, on the contrary you have valuable skills that other companies would be willing to pay for.

Your Boy is a wonderful human - he's a keeper, that one!

As far as negotiating salary/vacation, the one thing you need to remember is that any other company would be GLAD to have you.

This.

And do companies really still only give one week's vacation to new staff?

That should keep them careful about bad references, because employers are cautious about these things in any case.

I think that if I use Boss's daughter as my contact person for a reference, then my reference will be fine (or, at the least, sanitized).

I truly think that if I used Incompetent!boss or Mean!sort-of boss, they would cheerfully tell a prospective employer that I fuck off all day.

This sounds like they are penalizing YOU for bad management on their part. They suck. Really.

As far as negotiating salary/vacation, the one thing you need to remember is that any other company would be GLAD to have you. You're not incompetent, on the contrary you have valuable skills that other companies would be willing to pay for.

Double this. You have lots of experience, and as much as job-hunting sucks, I think it would so be worth it for you to get the hell out of there and away from those psychos.