( continues...) cute Spaniel she always wanted. And Marco.

I get it. I really do. For too many years, Tina was my go-to girl. While Colette got married our last year of college and Marta was bouncing from one committed long-term relationship to the next (and then spending 2 years in business school in London, having fabulous affairs with men with accents while Matt pined and masturbated frantically to her photos back here), Tina and I were going out with highly inappropriate people that we met in gyms, bars and (once) an alley, getting drunk on weeknights and trying to find out One True Love.

Didn’t happen. And it sucked. I mean, not all of it sucked – we had a lot of really, really fun days and nights, from what I remember (and some of it’s as fuzzy as an angora sweater) but there were also plenty of long, fraught phone calls and intense conversations in stank bars about just being tired of the grind, of watching other people be so goddamned happy and (ostensibly) fulfilled, while we staggered along in our cheap, Payless-wannabe lives, looking for Mr. Right and only finding Mr. Schlong.

Take Marta. Oh, Marta. I love her. She’s great. I mean, really awesome, one of my best friends. She’s bright, thoughtful, cute. She’s always, always been there for me and Tina and Colette. And it’s not like her life has been pansies and puppy and Prada. Girl has had some intense fucked-upedness happen to her, and yet, she’s stable, compassionate and, well, just a good person. She truly deserves every moment of happiness that she has.

So it’s not surprising that I have had some intense moments of poison-green schuaudenfraude focused on Marta? I mean, really. Just because you want someone’s else’s happiness doesn’t mean that you can’t be blindingly, hideously jealous? Right? It doesn’t make me a bad per…ok, well, I guess it does make me a bad person. But only randomly bad. I don’t go around all the time thinking “Marta! Argh! Bitch! With your long legs and your great ass and happy marriage and fulfilling business! HATE!” I really don’t. And actually, even in my more evil moments, that’s not what I think at all. It’s not really what about Marta has – it’s about what I don’t.

That’s the worst part about being smart. It’s harder to lie to yourself. Oh, it can be done – believe me, it can be done – but, at least for me, it’s kinda hard to not see the truth about yourself.

Doing something about it, on the other hand…now, that’s real easy to avoid. I’ve been doing it all my life

The Photo drabble is now closed.

The new prompt is closer

Erin, this is a really intriguing piece-- is this the whole of it or is it a springboard for something bigger?

Anyhow, I like the stream-of-consciousness nature of it-- has a very "sitting on the windowsill ruminating" or as if she's watching the last of her girlfriends get married-- as if she's having this internal monologue while some moment of note is happening in RL.

When do we become women? Is it just easier to consider myself a girl, to abdicate responsibilities with this claimed title?

Wonderful line and really ties in beautifully with the final line. The only complaint I might have is that if this is the whole of the piece, a little too much of it is dedicated to Tina and blowing Marco-- it almost becomes more about her than about your narrator.

Doing something about it, on the other hand…now, that’s real easy to avoid. I’ve been doing it all my life

That line alone. Lines. Ouch. I mean, OUCH. That's way too familiar to me. To everyone who says knowing is half the battle? Nope, it's 5%.

Allyson, I'm sorry I haven't been around. I have a window tomorrow--send me whatever you need me to look at, I'll get it back to you by COB tomorrow. Will that be soon enough?

I should have some time later in the week, too, if it's not that urgent.

Erin, that's really powerful stuff.

stumbles into thread

I ...

I think I'm done with the manuscript. 60,485 words total. Pete is upstairs working on the art right now. (He's got another week before his deadline.)

Um. Done. This feels so weird.

whoa, congratulations Jilli. That's quite an accomplishment.

Jilli, you're amazing. Congratulations!

Yay! Jilli! Can't wait to see it! Good job!

Barb, yes, this is all pretty much unedited beginning material for something book-length. It's not superorganized right now, but I'm just getting it down and and going over it with a very wide tooth comb and seeing if it's got legs.

Thanks, sarameg, and Beverly. Should I toss more up as I have it? I've gotten about 8 pages today, but not all of the ready for show.

Hey, look at me! I'm writing -- crazy!