Xander ,'The Killer In Me'
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Very evocative. Also, now I'm hungry.
What about "the happy sound of the gently cascading water a background to the equally happy sounds of conversation?"
Those winter scenes, filled with snow and bare-limbed trees and length shadows—to me, the only thing they had appeared to represent was death.
The word death bothers me here. That seems strong for a child's memory.
It's long rather than length shadows, but you would have caught that.
Actually, I think I might have meant lengthy
And she's remembering it through the veil of young adulthood as well, not just childhood-- maybe there's a way to make that clearer.
How about this?
Those winter scenes, filled with snow and bare-limbed trees and lengthy shadows—as a child, they'd felt so desolate and lonely. As I'd grown older and learned about the cycle of seasons, more and more, they seemed to represent death. A pretty cover for a world that had to rejuvenate, whereas the paradise where I lived was constantly renewing itself, never allowing itself to fall into such a state.
I like that. "Death" just kind of stopped me before, since the rest sounded like a childhood memory.
Fascinating watching the process of wrestling with something like this. Though you might not believe it from my verbose tendencies I was trained to be over-concise - the fewest words were best. Watching you polish by adding words to make it clearer, and improving the emotional tone as a result. So contrary to the "always cut, never add" that was pounded into my head. And a living demonstration of how wrong it was, at least the extreme version I was taught.
Brevity is my strongest and weakest aspect in writing. I also prefer less words to more, but now it's a chore to add any words at all. My initial stories are two sentences. Then I have to add from there.
So contrary to the "always cut, never add" that was pounded into my head.
To me, that's very much a journalistic dictum-- or one for people who write within genres that are very closely constrained by word count.
Which is why I know I'll never be a good journalist or short story writer; my strengths are definitely more geared towards the long form.
you painted a picture in my head, Barb. A delicious one.
To me, that's very much a journalistic dictum-- or one for people who write within genres that are very closely constrained by word count.
It does not even work well in extended non-fiction, or in a lot of magazine journalism. One of the things I have had to get over.
The buzz challenge is now closed.
The new challenge is hats.