No, it's shiny! I like to meet new people. They've all got stories...

Kaylee ,'Serenity'


The Great Write Way, Act Three: Where's the gun?

A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.


Gudanov - Jan 18, 2012 12:19:12 pm PST #5018 of 6690
Coding and Sleeping

Grammar question.

I have a sentence like so.

“I think,” the deep-voiced man paused as if considering, “that one will do nicely”

My overriding thought is that this is a parenthetical expression offset by commas. However, my dialog punctuating thought is that you can't pause speech so I should have full stops. My third thought is that I should use ("I think..." the deep-voiced etc.) but in that case maybe it should be ("I think... that one will do nicely.") since the pause is there in punctuation.

Any opinions?


Amy - Jan 18, 2012 12:42:18 pm PST #5019 of 6690
Because books.

The way it's structured, the action would be set off from the speech with em dashes. Or you could indicate the pause with the ellipses, like you said.

Em dashes are fine if you want to use them; it's in the Chicago Manual of Style and everything. Like so:

“I think”--the deep-voiced man paused as if considering--“that one will do nicely.”


Connie Neil - Jan 18, 2012 12:48:18 pm PST #5020 of 6690
brillig

I like your original method, Gud. I know I've used it. I used to go with the dashes, but they're visually very abrupt, and I think it interferes with the musing quality of the statement.


Amy - Jan 18, 2012 1:10:48 pm PST #5021 of 6690
Because books.

You can always punctuate anything however you'd like. But a copy editor will change it.


Gudanov - Jan 18, 2012 3:14:13 pm PST #5022 of 6690
Coding and Sleeping

Thanks, all.


Dana - Jan 19, 2012 11:09:45 am PST #5023 of 6690
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.

My story is on the Daily Science Fiction website today.


Liese S. - Jan 19, 2012 12:17:36 pm PST #5024 of 6690
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."

Yay DANA!

It's awesome! And creepy! And great!


sumi - Jan 19, 2012 12:20:59 pm PST #5025 of 6690
Art Crawl!!!

Ooh, that is creepy.


hippocampus - Jan 19, 2012 12:41:48 pm PST #5026 of 6690
not your mom's socks.

Awesome Dana! I'm heading over to give it some rockets!


Strix - Jan 19, 2012 7:59:10 pm PST #5027 of 6690
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Dana! That was awesome! Good on you!

And Sox, woo to the muthafockin' hoo!

I have news; I have my first essay up on Technorati: [link]