That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly.

Anya ,'Bring On The Night'


The Great Write Way, Act Three: Where's the gun?

A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.


Amy - May 19, 2011 2:46:09 pm PDT #4397 of 6690
Because books.

Oh, Erin, I really like this. You built the theme beautifully and executed it really well.

There are some repeats in there that you could weed out, though ("fears and doubts about my husband’s life before me lay in dusty, rotting heaps in front of me" ).

I think, too, I would scale back some of the more formal descriptions. Your voice is coming through pretty clearly, but every once in a while the academically trained you comes through, the one who needs every sentence to be grammatically correct.

I think this kind of piece wants a really conversational tone -- more of "I was tentative – how intrusive was it to poke and pry into the remains of my husband’s previous marriage and start tossing, keeping, storing, sending back?" and a little less of "Preemptively Xanaxed, I grimly braved the doorway, broom in hand, ready to leap back at the slightest hint of a hairy leg. Luckily, the spiders were on vacation or all suffered from social anxiety; my new neighbors declined to greet me, for which I was profoundly grateful".

Just my take, of course, but I think the second half of the essay really reflects the emotion and conflict of the story, and the first half is a little too ... wordy.


Strix - May 19, 2011 3:29:10 pm PDT #4398 of 6690
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Yeah, the sentence you mentioned was giving me fits, and ITA agree about the first section of the essay. I love the latter half -- that's where is gels, I think -- but the beginning is where I started noodling and ended up with my metaphor going where I wanted it.

Fabulous. I thought I needed to re-work the beginning. I'm gonna let it sit for a bit, and toy with it -- I have to learn how to write a query letter first, anyway! And my brane is ded today, anyway.

Thanks for the feedback!


Amy - May 19, 2011 5:01:59 pm PDT #4399 of 6690
Because books.

Glad to help, babe! It's a great piece.


Strix - May 19, 2011 5:24:19 pm PDT #4400 of 6690
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Woo! Let's hope someone gives me filthy lucre for it eventually. After revisions.

Brane still ded. Going to bed early tonight


Amy - May 24, 2011 11:38:42 am PDT #4401 of 6690
Because books.

This was definitely a surprise to see in my editor's tweets. Yikes!


Beverly - May 24, 2011 11:40:00 am PDT #4402 of 6690
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.

Amy, \\o/!


Strix - May 24, 2011 1:03:59 pm PDT #4403 of 6690
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Yay!! (And I want those earrings.)


Liese S. - May 24, 2011 1:42:41 pm PDT #4404 of 6690
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."

Super yay! And yeah, that's a gorgeous photo.


Anne W. - May 24, 2011 1:48:56 pm PDT #4405 of 6690
The lost sheep grow teeth, forsake their lambs, and lie with the lions.

Awesome!


Amy - May 24, 2011 2:44:36 pm PDT #4406 of 6690
Because books.

Aw, thank you. I think I look sort of pinched and wan there, but it's better than most pictures of me!

The earrings were H&M a couple years back, and I LOVE them. I have a matching necklace!