Gud, I like the first one better, honestly. I feel like you're packing too much into the second one. But I have no context for this at all, so I could be way off.
Mal: Okay. She won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon. But she is solid. Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die. Zoe: 'Cause it's a deathtrap.
'Out Of Gas'
The Great Write Way, Act Three: Where's the gun?
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Amy - Sep 17, 2009 6:34:24 am PDT #2281 of 6690
Because books.
Laura - Sep 17, 2009 6:36:37 am PDT #2282 of 6690
Our wings are not tired.
I think the first one is tighter. Some of the additional detail from the second could be added but I was able to visualize and feel the emotion in the first one quite well. It flowed better for me.
Ailleann - Sep 17, 2009 6:47:04 am PDT #2283 of 6690
vanguard of the socialist Hollywood liberal homosexualist agenda
I would love to try my hand at writing something. Maybe it shouldn't be about goats, though.
Amy - Sep 17, 2009 6:50:49 am PDT #2284 of 6690
Because books.
Maybe it shouldn't be about goats, though.
I'm going to agree. Just on principle.
It would be excellent if we put a big goat on the cover, though.
Laura - Sep 17, 2009 6:54:59 am PDT #2285 of 6690
Our wings are not tired.
The goat on the cover would be a compromise I could live with, but we would surely hear from the monkey contingent.
Gudanov - Sep 17, 2009 7:00:58 am PDT #2286 of 6690
Coding and Sleeping
Hmmm...
So many decisions. I can't please everyone, so I'll have to figure out the right synthesis.
DebetEsse - Sep 17, 2009 7:10:40 am PDT #2287 of 6690
Woe to the fucking wicked.
Well, clearly the theme should be "Not Goats". It can be titled This Book Is Not About Goats or Contains No Goats.
Gudanov - Sep 17, 2009 7:12:07 am PDT #2288 of 6690
Coding and Sleeping
I have decided for sure to remove another character. I keep removing the guys. Probably because there were more guys anyway I suppose.
Goodbye Edmund, you weren't a bad guy, you just didn't do anything especially important in the plot.
Amy - Sep 17, 2009 7:21:29 am PDT #2289 of 6690
Because books.
It can be titled This Book Is Not About Goats or Contains No Goats.
Heh. I almost really like this idea.
Gudanov - Sep 17, 2009 7:47:48 am PDT #2290 of 6690
Coding and Sleeping
I figure I'll just tell beta readers, hey, at chapter 16 you might notice this one dude just disappears, it's okay he never existed now. The fact that it won't have any serious effect on the story probably speaks volumes about his necessity.